"Juliet of the Spirits" (originally Giulietta degli spiriti) is one of my favorite movies of all time. This 1965 (!) masterpiece by Federico Fellini is both about his wife and not about his wife. It's a character study and it's not a character study. Fellini is directing his wife and muse, Giulietta Masina, here is one of her finest roles. You get a sense throughout this movie that is might just be putting us on, indulging her husband's fantasy of who he thinks she is for the sake of her own amusement, and we get to watch. It's an utterly playful movie, hardly the super-serious dour sort of thing people sometimes think when it comes to foreign films. It's sexy and funny and bizarre at times. But then, in a typically Fellinisque way, it will take an insightful turn and you are suddenly overwhelmed with the concision of his artistic vision.
It's a difficult movie to describe, but I will just include this short clip that might give you a taste. Fellini was a master of the surreal, and no one would be surprised to hear that he reported taking LSD to prepare to make this film. But this is not just the random visions of a hallucinating genius--this is highly disciplined, crafted stuff. Notice is this clip, for example, the simple, bold strokes he makes. It's not confusing at all. And when he does gives us perplexing images (in this or any other of his films) we are never left alone in our confusion, bystanders who don't get the joke; he always gives us character that are equally bewildered to lean on. Few Directors ever have done a better job capturing the uncanny quality of dreams, visions, and the miraculous encountered in everyday life.
-t
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Funerals
Saturday was the funeral of a dearly beloved member of our congregation, Daphne Archer. Daphne was a spry 84 year old who loved to ring the church bell and tell anyone in ear shot what's-what. She had a thick accent betraying her Barbados roots, and loved to talk. She was surprisingly strong for her age, so it was a surprise when she died suddenly at home.
Everyone who thinks of Daphne thinks of her faithfulness, to family, to her work, and (naturally) to the church as well. So mother church returned the favour with a proper Anglican send-off. Funeral Mass and grave-side committal with lots of music and some high-church touches she would have appreciated.
I arranged the chairs "choir-style" in the church, rows facing each other across the nave. This has several advantages for a funeral. For one thing, people can see everything (particularly the coffin). Second, it provides more place for the coffin, whereas in many churches the chancel or crossing gets a little crowded when you put a casket in the space and gives the impression of imbalance. Third, because people are facing each other (across the casket, no less), it feels very warm.
The casket was processed into the centre of the space (sacred ministers leading the way). The Pascal Candle burned proudly by the her head. Moving liturgically-east is the ambo and then the altar. The sacred ministers sat behind the altar an bend set on a platform one step high. Because we had to accommodate so many (112), we put more chair rows on the open end of the rectangle, but these were angled in at 45 degrees. It was a nice, balance, comfortable affect over all.
When the casket first arrived I coordinated a few details with the funeral director. Then I met the body at the hearse and escorted it in while saying some prayers and psalms to the church lounge for a time of visitation.
I feel strongly, for myself, that I want to see the actual body of every person I bury. Part of this comes from the old-fashioned notion that you, as the presiding minister of the burial, are responsible for making sure the correct body is being buried. These days funeral homes rarely make that kind of mistake anymore, but it's not totally unheard of.
But the real reason I want to see the body is more existential or spiritual in character. One of the roles of the priest is to be the "secret keeper" for the congregation. And if the ceremony has a closed casket, then you have established a certain mystery or secret in the community. It's not a bad thing, but it is a power thing. The closed casket has a kind of gravity and power that functions. By peering into that mystery, you become a kind of witness on behalf of the community. I can assure anyone that we buried Daphne because I saw here, with my own eyes.
That said, this kind of approach isn't necessary. I certainly wouldn't tell a colleague or student that they must or even should view the body, merely that it is something to consider in developing one's pastoral ministry around death.
When I told the Funeral Director that I wanted to the see the body, he advised me against it. "I recommend that you remember her the way she was." That's funeral parlor code for, "It isn't pretty." I assured him that I had seen many dead bodies, even attended an autopsy once, and that I was okay with whatever might be in there. He was looking at my very straight... no doubt trying to assess what sort of man I am. He became a little more direct. "She had been dead a long time." "Yes," I said, "I realize that. But I feel that it is my responsibility to look at her before the funeral." Realizing that I was not to be dissuaded, the Funeral Director said that he would leave this up to the family.
That was fine with me. In fact, I had mentioned my desire to view the body during my planning meeting with the family. So they quickly gave permission without hesitation.
We created some privacy by closing the doors to the lounge. Then the Funeral Director opened the casket. It was Daphne, of course. And I could see that they had placed a prayerbook in with her. I would have asked them to place one inside if it hadn't been there already.
I only needed to give her a solid look, then I asked them to close it again. After that they opened the doors to the lounge and people came in to pay their respects. When it was time for the service itself, I met the coffin and the back of the church (which is also where the lounge is) and led the pall bearers down the aisle.
There were three sacred ministers for the service; myself, Father Mark from St. Thomas', and Rev'd Catherine, a Deacon who is also a Theological Intern assigned to be one of my students. The service itself was pretty much straight out of the BAS, with only a few minor variations. After a reading from Revelations and the singing of Psalm 23 and the Gospel reading ("I am the Good Shepherd"), a member of Daphne's family gave the Eulogy.
Eulogies at funerals are tricky. Many families wish to have a great many people come up and praise the deceased. But in my experience, it is far better to limit the number of eulogies. The problem with eulogies are, first off, that most people that give them aren't actually experienced with public speaking and the second problem is that eulogies often make a fond remembrance of the deceased, but don't really bring religion much into it. Susan, the eulogist for Daphne, however, was actually strong on both counts. She was a good speaker with a well written text, and she did bring in some nice spiritual content. It was one of the better funeral Eulogies I've ever heard, in fact, and I've heard quite a few!
My turn, next. The congregation wanted to applaud Susan, but restrained themselves. I understand their impulse to thank her, so I began my sermon by saying, "Let the people say, 'Amen.'" This being a mostly black congregation, I got an immediate and heart-felt "Amen!" Then I launched into my sermon.
A number of people have told that it was an excellent sermon. Certainly I felt "in the groove." It was mostly improvised based on a couple of land marks I knew I wanted to hit. But as I went along new rhetorical and theological avenues opened up to me. This is the most satisfying part of preaching extemporaneously, when you both know where you are going, are feeling your way to that place without labouring, and are also superbly aware that your congregation is with you all the way. I could feel the people with me. I looked at those I knew well, my parishioners, and I could tell they were listening with close attention. I looked at the people visiting and I could see them nodding and listening, as well. I even got a few muttered, "Amens" and "That's rights" that assured me that I was on the right track. I began by talking about Daphne's faithfulness and how it shows us a glimpse of God's faithfulness. But my real zinger was when when I said, "With Daphne, the conversation never stopped." Lots of nods. "She couldn't stop talking to us because she loved us." Then I talked about how with God, the conversation also continues, even through death. I felt great about that sermon, but the end of it my voice, already strained from a cold and several days of non-stop talking, was pretty much gone completely.
Luckily, I had already asked Mark to celebrate the Eucharist. Catherine and I deaconed for him. As Betsy said, "Mark gives a good Mass." Indeed, he was articulate in both word and gesture. Nice and clear and rich without being fussy at all. Perfect. It was also rewarding for me to note how my training of Catherine had paid off with her assisting another priest at the altar with high skill.
Many more people came up for communion than I expected. And after "the dishes were done," we had a liturgical dance piece done by one of Daphne's cousins. Originally the family had suggested we play the music for this dance over the speakers, but with Eric on piano and our cantor as vocal it was a far richer experience. The composition they chose started with Amazing Grace, but then added a few verses in a related, but different, melody composed by Chris Tomlin.
We took our places for the Commendation and listened the choir sing a Russian setting of the Kontakion ("Give rest, O Christ, to your servant with your saints..."). More prayers, then we led the body out of the church. Fr. Mark and Catherine said their goodbyes. We shared a few comments of the sort priests and deacons share. "Good sermon." "Very nice sung preface." Thanks all around. I got a ride with the Funeral Director, and we had a nice talk on the way to the cemetery.
The worker at the Cemetery told me that although he was Roman Catholic, he had been to my church a few times as part of some ecumenical work he was doing at the time. It's a small world.
It was cold and very windy at the grave. They lowered the coffin and I said the committal service, which is blessedly brief. The Funeral Director kept trying to get me to use the little vial of sand he had for the ceremonial tossing of dirt on the grave. White sand. I'm not sure what that has to do with death. Dirt. A handful of dirt has a substance that is more than mere metaphor. We are actually burying this woman, not just making a gesture towards it.
While we sang favourite hymns from hymn sheets my music minister had helpfully prepared ahead of time, the workers prepared the grave and then people took turns with a real shovel putting real dirt on top of the coffin. When people had taken enough turns, a backhoe was brought in to complete the burial. By this time I was quite cold despite the Capa Negra (black cope) I borrowed from Fr. Mark. Capa Negras are a really great vestment to have, I must get one if I keep doing funerals in winter! The family, like Daphne, were from Barbados, and had no intention of leaving the grave until it was completely filled in. I appreciate this. In fact, I make it my custom to stay behind at committals until the grave it completely filled even when the family has gone on to the reception.
By this time my voice was completely shot. I sounded like a frog that had swallowed gravel. Nonetheless, I made a brief appearance at the reception and then accepted a ride from one of the funeral home's drivers. Before we parted company, the Funeral Director shook my hand and said, "You're a good man." I flashed back to his evaluative gaze a few hours before. Apparently I had passed his test.
As I relaxed on the car ride home I thanked my lucky stars, or perhaps God, that I had scheduled one of my parishioners to preach on Sunday many weeks before Daphne's death. Surely I could have preached today, but in all honesty I didn't have a lot left to give, and Brendan's sermon was excellent.
After I got home I spent some time with Betsy and Henry and baked up 200 chocolate chip cookies for the church's bake sale. Yeah, 200! Supper, a few pages of a Patrick O'Brien novel set in the 19th Century English Navy, then sleep. Blessed sleep. I dreamed about church, but they weren't anxious dreams. Just me working on different projects with different people. I would have rather dreamed of being on a Frigate in Indian Ocean chasing a French Squadron, but one doesn't get to choose one's dreams!
Woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Church went well--and now I'm going home to watch football!
-t
Everyone who thinks of Daphne thinks of her faithfulness, to family, to her work, and (naturally) to the church as well. So mother church returned the favour with a proper Anglican send-off. Funeral Mass and grave-side committal with lots of music and some high-church touches she would have appreciated.
I arranged the chairs "choir-style" in the church, rows facing each other across the nave. This has several advantages for a funeral. For one thing, people can see everything (particularly the coffin). Second, it provides more place for the coffin, whereas in many churches the chancel or crossing gets a little crowded when you put a casket in the space and gives the impression of imbalance. Third, because people are facing each other (across the casket, no less), it feels very warm.
The casket was processed into the centre of the space (sacred ministers leading the way). The Pascal Candle burned proudly by the her head. Moving liturgically-east is the ambo and then the altar. The sacred ministers sat behind the altar an bend set on a platform one step high. Because we had to accommodate so many (112), we put more chair rows on the open end of the rectangle, but these were angled in at 45 degrees. It was a nice, balance, comfortable affect over all.
When the casket first arrived I coordinated a few details with the funeral director. Then I met the body at the hearse and escorted it in while saying some prayers and psalms to the church lounge for a time of visitation.
I feel strongly, for myself, that I want to see the actual body of every person I bury. Part of this comes from the old-fashioned notion that you, as the presiding minister of the burial, are responsible for making sure the correct body is being buried. These days funeral homes rarely make that kind of mistake anymore, but it's not totally unheard of.
But the real reason I want to see the body is more existential or spiritual in character. One of the roles of the priest is to be the "secret keeper" for the congregation. And if the ceremony has a closed casket, then you have established a certain mystery or secret in the community. It's not a bad thing, but it is a power thing. The closed casket has a kind of gravity and power that functions. By peering into that mystery, you become a kind of witness on behalf of the community. I can assure anyone that we buried Daphne because I saw here, with my own eyes.
That said, this kind of approach isn't necessary. I certainly wouldn't tell a colleague or student that they must or even should view the body, merely that it is something to consider in developing one's pastoral ministry around death.
When I told the Funeral Director that I wanted to the see the body, he advised me against it. "I recommend that you remember her the way she was." That's funeral parlor code for, "It isn't pretty." I assured him that I had seen many dead bodies, even attended an autopsy once, and that I was okay with whatever might be in there. He was looking at my very straight... no doubt trying to assess what sort of man I am. He became a little more direct. "She had been dead a long time." "Yes," I said, "I realize that. But I feel that it is my responsibility to look at her before the funeral." Realizing that I was not to be dissuaded, the Funeral Director said that he would leave this up to the family.
That was fine with me. In fact, I had mentioned my desire to view the body during my planning meeting with the family. So they quickly gave permission without hesitation.
We created some privacy by closing the doors to the lounge. Then the Funeral Director opened the casket. It was Daphne, of course. And I could see that they had placed a prayerbook in with her. I would have asked them to place one inside if it hadn't been there already.
I only needed to give her a solid look, then I asked them to close it again. After that they opened the doors to the lounge and people came in to pay their respects. When it was time for the service itself, I met the coffin and the back of the church (which is also where the lounge is) and led the pall bearers down the aisle.
There were three sacred ministers for the service; myself, Father Mark from St. Thomas', and Rev'd Catherine, a Deacon who is also a Theological Intern assigned to be one of my students. The service itself was pretty much straight out of the BAS, with only a few minor variations. After a reading from Revelations and the singing of Psalm 23 and the Gospel reading ("I am the Good Shepherd"), a member of Daphne's family gave the Eulogy.
Eulogies at funerals are tricky. Many families wish to have a great many people come up and praise the deceased. But in my experience, it is far better to limit the number of eulogies. The problem with eulogies are, first off, that most people that give them aren't actually experienced with public speaking and the second problem is that eulogies often make a fond remembrance of the deceased, but don't really bring religion much into it. Susan, the eulogist for Daphne, however, was actually strong on both counts. She was a good speaker with a well written text, and she did bring in some nice spiritual content. It was one of the better funeral Eulogies I've ever heard, in fact, and I've heard quite a few!
My turn, next. The congregation wanted to applaud Susan, but restrained themselves. I understand their impulse to thank her, so I began my sermon by saying, "Let the people say, 'Amen.'" This being a mostly black congregation, I got an immediate and heart-felt "Amen!" Then I launched into my sermon.
A number of people have told that it was an excellent sermon. Certainly I felt "in the groove." It was mostly improvised based on a couple of land marks I knew I wanted to hit. But as I went along new rhetorical and theological avenues opened up to me. This is the most satisfying part of preaching extemporaneously, when you both know where you are going, are feeling your way to that place without labouring, and are also superbly aware that your congregation is with you all the way. I could feel the people with me. I looked at those I knew well, my parishioners, and I could tell they were listening with close attention. I looked at the people visiting and I could see them nodding and listening, as well. I even got a few muttered, "Amens" and "That's rights" that assured me that I was on the right track. I began by talking about Daphne's faithfulness and how it shows us a glimpse of God's faithfulness. But my real zinger was when when I said, "With Daphne, the conversation never stopped." Lots of nods. "She couldn't stop talking to us because she loved us." Then I talked about how with God, the conversation also continues, even through death. I felt great about that sermon, but the end of it my voice, already strained from a cold and several days of non-stop talking, was pretty much gone completely.
Luckily, I had already asked Mark to celebrate the Eucharist. Catherine and I deaconed for him. As Betsy said, "Mark gives a good Mass." Indeed, he was articulate in both word and gesture. Nice and clear and rich without being fussy at all. Perfect. It was also rewarding for me to note how my training of Catherine had paid off with her assisting another priest at the altar with high skill.
Many more people came up for communion than I expected. And after "the dishes were done," we had a liturgical dance piece done by one of Daphne's cousins. Originally the family had suggested we play the music for this dance over the speakers, but with Eric on piano and our cantor as vocal it was a far richer experience. The composition they chose started with Amazing Grace, but then added a few verses in a related, but different, melody composed by Chris Tomlin.
We took our places for the Commendation and listened the choir sing a Russian setting of the Kontakion ("Give rest, O Christ, to your servant with your saints..."). More prayers, then we led the body out of the church. Fr. Mark and Catherine said their goodbyes. We shared a few comments of the sort priests and deacons share. "Good sermon." "Very nice sung preface." Thanks all around. I got a ride with the Funeral Director, and we had a nice talk on the way to the cemetery.
The worker at the Cemetery told me that although he was Roman Catholic, he had been to my church a few times as part of some ecumenical work he was doing at the time. It's a small world.
It was cold and very windy at the grave. They lowered the coffin and I said the committal service, which is blessedly brief. The Funeral Director kept trying to get me to use the little vial of sand he had for the ceremonial tossing of dirt on the grave. White sand. I'm not sure what that has to do with death. Dirt. A handful of dirt has a substance that is more than mere metaphor. We are actually burying this woman, not just making a gesture towards it.
While we sang favourite hymns from hymn sheets my music minister had helpfully prepared ahead of time, the workers prepared the grave and then people took turns with a real shovel putting real dirt on top of the coffin. When people had taken enough turns, a backhoe was brought in to complete the burial. By this time I was quite cold despite the Capa Negra (black cope) I borrowed from Fr. Mark. Capa Negras are a really great vestment to have, I must get one if I keep doing funerals in winter! The family, like Daphne, were from Barbados, and had no intention of leaving the grave until it was completely filled in. I appreciate this. In fact, I make it my custom to stay behind at committals until the grave it completely filled even when the family has gone on to the reception.
By this time my voice was completely shot. I sounded like a frog that had swallowed gravel. Nonetheless, I made a brief appearance at the reception and then accepted a ride from one of the funeral home's drivers. Before we parted company, the Funeral Director shook my hand and said, "You're a good man." I flashed back to his evaluative gaze a few hours before. Apparently I had passed his test.
As I relaxed on the car ride home I thanked my lucky stars, or perhaps God, that I had scheduled one of my parishioners to preach on Sunday many weeks before Daphne's death. Surely I could have preached today, but in all honesty I didn't have a lot left to give, and Brendan's sermon was excellent.
After I got home I spent some time with Betsy and Henry and baked up 200 chocolate chip cookies for the church's bake sale. Yeah, 200! Supper, a few pages of a Patrick O'Brien novel set in the 19th Century English Navy, then sleep. Blessed sleep. I dreamed about church, but they weren't anxious dreams. Just me working on different projects with different people. I would have rather dreamed of being on a Frigate in Indian Ocean chasing a French Squadron, but one doesn't get to choose one's dreams!
Woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Church went well--and now I'm going home to watch football!
-t
Monday, February 16, 2009
Heroic Dreams
For some reason, I tend to have heroic dreams from to time. Last night I had a dream that Betsy and I had a daughter and were living in a house in the country somewhere. One night our daughter was being oppressed by some kind of demon. I went to rescue her but the door was blocked. As hard as I pushed, the demon pushed right back on the door.
So I went down the basement and got an axe. Standing by the door again I blessed the axe and then took a hard swing at the bedroom door. It shattered immediately and rushed in to my daughter. I could feel the presence of the demon, but it was invisible. As I held my daughter, Caroline (?), our cat Denise rushed in. She could see it and started hissing at it. The demon apparently was afraid of my cat and so Denise was chasing it around the room and hissing with her ears back. Pretty soon the invisible demon was backed up into a corner of the closet. Meanwhile I'm tossing blessings and prayers like crazy. It disappeared and then the dream changed...
Interesting that in the dream I had both had a daughter and that I even had a name for her! Also interesting that my cat defended us like a real champ!
-t
So I went down the basement and got an axe. Standing by the door again I blessed the axe and then took a hard swing at the bedroom door. It shattered immediately and rushed in to my daughter. I could feel the presence of the demon, but it was invisible. As I held my daughter, Caroline (?), our cat Denise rushed in. She could see it and started hissing at it. The demon apparently was afraid of my cat and so Denise was chasing it around the room and hissing with her ears back. Pretty soon the invisible demon was backed up into a corner of the closet. Meanwhile I'm tossing blessings and prayers like crazy. It disappeared and then the dream changed...
Interesting that in the dream I had both had a daughter and that I even had a name for her! Also interesting that my cat defended us like a real champ!
-t
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Trad Com Delight
Monday night, before Tuesday's Traditional Communion service, I had a dream that I was back at St. Mary Magdalene's teaching people how to celebrate Mass at the East-Facing Lady Altar. I miss doing that, I admit, and these days Tradcom (A BCP Holy Eucharist we do once a month here at COTM) is as close as I come to the precision and orderliness of SMM.
The dream foreshadowed one of the best COTM Tradcom Tuesdays since I've come. For some reason, the Spirit was really moving through the place that day. As a result, we had visitors (!) to the service including one lady who came right off the street on a whim. My sermon was better than usual for a Trad Com, as well.
For lunch we skipped the usual frozen lasagna and instead and enjoyed homemade Egyptian food provided by one of our parishioners. Discussion around the table was lively and fun. It was a very, very good day.
In reflection, I've noticed the last several weeks that the mood around COTM is very positive right now. People are leaving on Sunday feeling really good about church. One marker of this, besides my subjective feeling, is that coffee hour is lasting longer and several people who used to leave as soon as worship ended are now sticking around to enjoy conversation and coffee! It's an incredibly rewarding thing to notice. I remember a year ago when people were very anxious about the future and we had few newcomers. Now things are really taking a positive turn. Yipee!
-t
The dream foreshadowed one of the best COTM Tradcom Tuesdays since I've come. For some reason, the Spirit was really moving through the place that day. As a result, we had visitors (!) to the service including one lady who came right off the street on a whim. My sermon was better than usual for a Trad Com, as well.
For lunch we skipped the usual frozen lasagna and instead and enjoyed homemade Egyptian food provided by one of our parishioners. Discussion around the table was lively and fun. It was a very, very good day.
In reflection, I've noticed the last several weeks that the mood around COTM is very positive right now. People are leaving on Sunday feeling really good about church. One marker of this, besides my subjective feeling, is that coffee hour is lasting longer and several people who used to leave as soon as worship ended are now sticking around to enjoy conversation and coffee! It's an incredibly rewarding thing to notice. I remember a year ago when people were very anxious about the future and we had few newcomers. Now things are really taking a positive turn. Yipee!
-t
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Will the New Particle Collider End the World?
CERN (The European Centre for Nuclear Research) in Europe just fired up their brand new, $8 Billion Particle Collider in Geneva. With a 17-mile magnetic track it is by far the largest such device in the world. In a few months they will begin experimental collisions with the energy of 7 Trillion Electron Volts. No one has come even close to this scale.
As is often the case with cutting-edge science, fears have been raised and doomsday scenarios posited. A very small minority of scientists have raised concerns that this machine could create small black holes or weird, unknown, and dangerous radiation. In response to that, the scientists designing the Large Hadron Collider (as it is known) have pointed out that their experiments are simply replicating events that happen naturally. Their physics models (the one's being tested and developed by this collider) show that any black holes that do get created will rapidly decay and will not endanger the earth.
Still, I can't help but feel a little nervous. I'm reminded of the scientists that thought a nuclear explosion would cause a chain reaction that would ignite the entire earth's atmosphere. I'm also reminded of an intense and vivid dream I had a few years ago in which aliens were drawn to the earth after sensing strange radiation emanating from a large collider. In the dream, I traveled to the underground research facility and repelled the alien invasion with cunning and a 12-gauge. Oh, and I also had to defeat the Secret Service, who thought I was there to harm the President (who taking a photo op with the new Collider). It was such an exciting and vivid dream that it's still one of my all-time favorites!
No doubt the collider is a convenient carrier for the usual anxieties I'm feeling about ministry. Today I received an anonymous note attacking the mural and my taste--I wonder whether it is the same person that tried to insult me over the internet a few months ago? A buddy-in-arms called me while I was stewing over this nasty note I got and sensed something was wrong. When I told him about the note his response was appropriately short and curt: "If it's not signed it's not worth a ****." Ah, the Zen Master speaks! The student listens to the wise Master.
So much of leadership is figuring out who's opinion you should listen to. I mean, you should hear everyone, but not everyone's notions should carry equal weight when you are making decisions. I know, that seems obvious, but in practice it becomes much more complicated. Try holding your ground when people actually leave the congregation over it, for instance.
-t
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sermon - Pentecost 10 2008
I didn't want to leave without posting this sermon from today. One of the best I've done for several months, IMHO. I was really on fire. Got to do the video, too, since at least one person told me that my use of body language was the best he'd seen me do. Nice to go out on a bang!
The amusing thing is that during most of the prep for this sermon I had focused Jesus's parable about the wheat and the tares. But about half an hour before the service my attention shifted back to the Hebrew Bible lesson about Jacob's dream of the ladder. So when I got up to preach my notes were completely useless and I ignored them. Instead I found a homiletic butter-zone around dreams and stayed there. About half way through the sermon I was getting chills and goose bumps as I felt the energy flowing--at the moment it felt like I was shifting gears in a sports car: I stepped to the side of the lectern and dropped my voice and just made a connection.
When this stuff works is incredibly satisying. Naturally, extemporaneous preaching doesn't always go this well for me. But when it does, it makes the self-judgment totally worthwhile. Anyway, enjoy...
Here's a direct link to the MP3 file...
-t
The amusing thing is that during most of the prep for this sermon I had focused Jesus's parable about the wheat and the tares. But about half an hour before the service my attention shifted back to the Hebrew Bible lesson about Jacob's dream of the ladder. So when I got up to preach my notes were completely useless and I ignored them. Instead I found a homiletic butter-zone around dreams and stayed there. About half way through the sermon I was getting chills and goose bumps as I felt the energy flowing--at the moment it felt like I was shifting gears in a sports car: I stepped to the side of the lectern and dropped my voice and just made a connection.
When this stuff works is incredibly satisying. Naturally, extemporaneous preaching doesn't always go this well for me. But when it does, it makes the self-judgment totally worthwhile. Anyway, enjoy...
Here's a direct link to the MP3 file...
-t
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Iron Man
Last night Betsy and I went out on a double date with friends to see the movie "Iron Man"--it was a fine movie for what it was, a summer popcorn flick. Not the sort of thing that teaches you anything new about the human experience, or changes one in any significant way, but it was entertaining enough!
After the movie we went to the Duke of York pub for supper. It was nice walking in the Yorkville area at night with the lights and the people milling around. Got home feeling pleasantly full. Betsy and I have a great life.
Last night I dreamt that I forgot to take the communion bread out of the freezer for the Chancel Guild when I came to church Sunday morning. I do forget to do that sometimes, but it's a minor thing, they can always throw one into the microwave. I had some other unusual dreams, too, including one where I was playing Black Jack at a casino and doing quite well using the Martingale System.
The Martingale System is a betting strategy useful in situations where you are making consecutive bets, with approximately 50% chance and win the amount bet. Basically, every time you loose you double the amount your are betting in the next round. For example, after loosing four dollars you bet bet eight, which means that you recover the loss if you win. If you loose, you bet sixteen. So even if you loose several times in a row, you will make back your money when you finally do win.
The problem is that this model assumes infinite wealth and no limits on how much you can bet. In real life, neither of these are true--all it takes is a few losses in a row to exceed the available cash for betting and also exceed the table limits. In fact, that's one of the reasons why casinos have table limits--to defeat this kind of betting strategy. But it doesn't really matter, since you can mathematically demonstrate that as long as the amount of money you have available for betting is finite, you will eventually run into a loosing streak long enough to bankrupt yourself!
Here's the math, for those of you that like math:
The trade in this system is steady gain at the risk of a string of losses.
I think they should teach game theory in seminary. It's important to be able to evaluate strategies in any kind of leadership.
-t
After the movie we went to the Duke of York pub for supper. It was nice walking in the Yorkville area at night with the lights and the people milling around. Got home feeling pleasantly full. Betsy and I have a great life.
Last night I dreamt that I forgot to take the communion bread out of the freezer for the Chancel Guild when I came to church Sunday morning. I do forget to do that sometimes, but it's a minor thing, they can always throw one into the microwave. I had some other unusual dreams, too, including one where I was playing Black Jack at a casino and doing quite well using the Martingale System.
The Martingale System is a betting strategy useful in situations where you are making consecutive bets, with approximately 50% chance and win the amount bet. Basically, every time you loose you double the amount your are betting in the next round. For example, after loosing four dollars you bet bet eight, which means that you recover the loss if you win. If you loose, you bet sixteen. So even if you loose several times in a row, you will make back your money when you finally do win.
The problem is that this model assumes infinite wealth and no limits on how much you can bet. In real life, neither of these are true--all it takes is a few losses in a row to exceed the available cash for betting and also exceed the table limits. In fact, that's one of the reasons why casinos have table limits--to defeat this kind of betting strategy. But it doesn't really matter, since you can mathematically demonstrate that as long as the amount of money you have available for betting is finite, you will eventually run into a loosing streak long enough to bankrupt yourself!
Here's the math, for those of you that like math:
Let q be the probability of losing (e.g. for roulette it is 20/38). Let y be the amount of the commencing bet (e.g. $10 in the example above). Let x be the finite number of bets you can afford to lose.
The probability that you lose all x bets is qx. When you lose all your bets, the amount of money you lose is
The probability that you do not lose all x bets is 1 − qx. If you do not lose all x bets, you win y amount of money. So the expected profit per round is
Whenever q > 1/2, the expression 1 − (2q)x < 0 for all x > 0. That means for any game where it is more likely to lose than to win (e.g. all chance gambling games), you are expected to lose money on average. Furthermore, the more times you are able to afford to bet, the more you will lose. (source)
The trade in this system is steady gain at the risk of a string of losses.
I think they should teach game theory in seminary. It's important to be able to evaluate strategies in any kind of leadership.
-t
Monday, February 18, 2008
Goofing Off
Very early this morning I dropped Betsy off at the airport for her (short) trip to Dallas. She is gone until Wednesday visiting an Art Exhibition along with a gaggle of students from her department (mostly undergrads) and a professor. I have to admit, I was feeling weird by the time I got back, like I was in danger or something. Such a mood can mean many things, including the possibility of some internal shift happening. Often I've found that death-omens portend periods of growth. The same thing can happen in congregations, BTW, that are poised to experience growth and change. Anxiety can be a good thing!
The sun still hadn't risen by the time I got back from the airport, so I went to bed. Many confused dreams. I've been reading Dante's Inferno, and I think some of those images may have invaded my dreams. That's telling, isn't it--a priest dreaming he's in the Sixth Circle watching the heretics burn in their sepulchers! Ominous.
I spent the rest of the day playing with the cats, watching TV, and basically goofing off. Tomorrow will be busy enough.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll finally get around to ordering parts for my computer rebuild. I also have a couple of meetings to attend and a staff meeting and so on. Tuesdays are a busy day.
Incidentally, I've been thinking of buying a PS3. You see, now that I have an HDTV it makes sense to have a Blu-Ray player. And the Sony Playstation 3 can play Blu-Ray discs for the same cost as a standalone player and can also do games and can play all kinds of media content (streaming audio and video, etc) and you even browse the internet with it on your TV. Pretty cool, heh? I don't know, it may need to wait until my birthday.
-t
The sun still hadn't risen by the time I got back from the airport, so I went to bed. Many confused dreams. I've been reading Dante's Inferno, and I think some of those images may have invaded my dreams. That's telling, isn't it--a priest dreaming he's in the Sixth Circle watching the heretics burn in their sepulchers! Ominous.
I spent the rest of the day playing with the cats, watching TV, and basically goofing off. Tomorrow will be busy enough.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll finally get around to ordering parts for my computer rebuild. I also have a couple of meetings to attend and a staff meeting and so on. Tuesdays are a busy day.
Incidentally, I've been thinking of buying a PS3. You see, now that I have an HDTV it makes sense to have a Blu-Ray player. And the Sony Playstation 3 can play Blu-Ray discs for the same cost as a standalone player and can also do games and can play all kinds of media content (streaming audio and video, etc) and you even browse the internet with it on your TV. Pretty cool, heh? I don't know, it may need to wait until my birthday.
-t
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Ash Wednesday
Last night I had a strange dream. I was observing a two-cell prison floating on a lake. There was a guard on this floating prison. Suddenly, the whole thing sank and me with it. Now I was the guard, and I watched as the prison swirled downward in some kind of vortex. Many books and objects were swirling in the descent. I had the sense that I needed to swim deep, to follow the prison and the books and the other things as they went deeper, even if it meant that I would drown. As I twisted around in the dark, cold water, I became aware that I had already gone too deep to return to the surface before drowning. There was a moment of calm acceptance as I watched some bubbles float past me. Then my mind took me out of that dream and into another. It seems like a great metaphor to explore in a sermon, and I may use it Sunday, but it seemed too self-indulgent to use it this evening.
Today I went by the Anglican Book Centre to buy some worship stuff. Mostly I got some more hymnals from around the Communion, but I also bought some incense charcoal for the Wednesday Contemplative Eucharists, a clerical collar, extra palm ash (in case our small supply ran out), and a few other odds and ends. But the purchase that pleased me most was two very nice (reproduction) icons. I hung the one of the Trinity (no, not a copy of Rublev's) in my office and one of the crucifixion (with Mary and John, naturally) in my new "Vestry." This way I have something to meditate on while I put on my vestments. It's hard to have too many icons. If are even at a loss of what to buy an Anglican priest for a gift, go with either scotch or icons.
The Ash Wednesday supper and Eucharist went extremely well. The turnout was great despite the weather, and the liturgy itself went incredibly well. There was an abiding prayerfulness and dignity to the whole thing that was just amazing. The musical choices Matthew and I worked out had a lot to do with that, but I think every other factor in the liturgy worked, as well. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have a chance to post an audio clip of the sermon I gave. The choir also did an incredible job with a version of the Advent Prose we took from the St. Greg's music book. Yes, I know it's slightly unorthodox to use the Advent Prose in Lent, but I tell you that the music and the text are just too perfect a fit to pass up!
Tonight I'm tired and proud of my church for doing worship well. We have such a good thing going here that I can't wait to see it flourish.
Here's wishing you a Holy Lent!
-t
Today I went by the Anglican Book Centre to buy some worship stuff. Mostly I got some more hymnals from around the Communion, but I also bought some incense charcoal for the Wednesday Contemplative Eucharists, a clerical collar, extra palm ash (in case our small supply ran out), and a few other odds and ends. But the purchase that pleased me most was two very nice (reproduction) icons. I hung the one of the Trinity (no, not a copy of Rublev's) in my office and one of the crucifixion (with Mary and John, naturally) in my new "Vestry." This way I have something to meditate on while I put on my vestments. It's hard to have too many icons. If are even at a loss of what to buy an Anglican priest for a gift, go with either scotch or icons.
The Ash Wednesday supper and Eucharist went extremely well. The turnout was great despite the weather, and the liturgy itself went incredibly well. There was an abiding prayerfulness and dignity to the whole thing that was just amazing. The musical choices Matthew and I worked out had a lot to do with that, but I think every other factor in the liturgy worked, as well. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have a chance to post an audio clip of the sermon I gave. The choir also did an incredible job with a version of the Advent Prose we took from the St. Greg's music book. Yes, I know it's slightly unorthodox to use the Advent Prose in Lent, but I tell you that the music and the text are just too perfect a fit to pass up!
Tonight I'm tired and proud of my church for doing worship well. We have such a good thing going here that I can't wait to see it flourish.
Here's wishing you a Holy Lent!
-t
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
A Bad Day
Yesterday was a comically bad day. After the whole theft thing and a hard day at work where the pile on my desk got larger rather than smaller, I went home. I helped Betsy make dinner by cutting up some veggies, including a jalapeño pepper. I went downstairs to tend to some laundry, and then came back upstairs to continue cooking. At that point, I stupidly rubbed my left eye. The pain from the Capsaicin was instant and severe--I totally understand why they use this stuff for mace!
I knew that water wouldn't help--Capsaicin doesn't dissolve in water--so the first thing I did was wash my hands with dish soap that was close at hand. I remembered a conversation I had a few weeks ago with a priest whose husband is a cop. She told me that after he was sprayed in the eyes with mace as part of his training, they used baby shampoo to wash off the toxic chemicals. We didn't have any of this at home, so I used the next best thing: cat shampoo. It's also a mild, tear-less soap. I made a lather with my hands and applied it to my eyes and rinsed with warm water. I repeated this procedure a few more times and it worked like gang-busters. I was back to normal in about 1/2 hour!
Undaunted by our bad day, Betsy and I decided to go to the church to use my computer, as we were leaving, my house key broke in the lock. I was able to remove it with a pair of pliers, but we decided this was not a good night to keep tempting fate. So we stayed in and went to bed early.
Slept fitfully. Many dreams about liturgy. At one point I dreamed that I was at the Moody Church in Chicago with a group of church musicians messing around on their organ. One of the organists I know cringed and said that it was obviously out of tune. To me it sounded dull, somehow. I had other dreams about liturgy and planning liturgy.
A busy day ahead--I sure hope it goes better than yesterday!
-t
I knew that water wouldn't help--Capsaicin doesn't dissolve in water--so the first thing I did was wash my hands with dish soap that was close at hand. I remembered a conversation I had a few weeks ago with a priest whose husband is a cop. She told me that after he was sprayed in the eyes with mace as part of his training, they used baby shampoo to wash off the toxic chemicals. We didn't have any of this at home, so I used the next best thing: cat shampoo. It's also a mild, tear-less soap. I made a lather with my hands and applied it to my eyes and rinsed with warm water. I repeated this procedure a few more times and it worked like gang-busters. I was back to normal in about 1/2 hour!
Undaunted by our bad day, Betsy and I decided to go to the church to use my computer, as we were leaving, my house key broke in the lock. I was able to remove it with a pair of pliers, but we decided this was not a good night to keep tempting fate. So we stayed in and went to bed early.
Slept fitfully. Many dreams about liturgy. At one point I dreamed that I was at the Moody Church in Chicago with a group of church musicians messing around on their organ. One of the organists I know cringed and said that it was obviously out of tune. To me it sounded dull, somehow. I had other dreams about liturgy and planning liturgy.
A busy day ahead--I sure hope it goes better than yesterday!
-t
Monday, October 29, 2007
Getting Stuff Done
Today is a day for crossing off items on the to-do list. Most of these are domestic things like hooking the dryer up to the dryer vent (overlooked by the house owners for some reason) and raking the leaves on the lawn, but there also some church things to do--I have an appointment this afternoon at the church and have been here for the last few hours doing random things like answering e-mails and reading an interesting article about the current state of the Evangelical movement. I'm actually glad to hear that the movement's political interests are evolving into something that reflects more of a social Gospel (HIV/AIDS, Health Care, and so forth).
Last night Betsy woke me up because I was moving around too much as I slept. I told her that I was dreaming about some event at church and that Della and I were putting out tables. I remember actually being annoyed that I would have a dream about something as mundane as setting up tables for a church event! Alas, I have these kind of dull dreams all the time. I'm sure I've probably even dreamed of sitting at my computer writing e-mails!
I'm still thinking about the sermon I gave on Dedication a week ago. It was nice to get that preaching sweet spot with the congregation, and I really hope that I can do it again this Sunday. Doing so requires getting into the right head/soul/body place, and that means manipulating interior states. In a lot of religious traditions adepts spend a great amount of time learning to master themselves in this way, but mainline Christians have ignored the need to do so, I'm afraid.
I'm in a bad mood. I made a rookie-pastor mistake and agreed to take a meeting on my day off.... at 4.30 no less! And when I should have tried to reschedule I instead thought, "it won't be so bad." So this is something like my 14th straight day of coming to church (last Monday I spent five hours or so on that wedding). And so by the time Sunday rolls around I will have done 20 straight days of coming into work. Granted, not all of those were full days, but still, the number is depressing. No wonder I'm grumpy today. Like I said, rookie mistake. This upcoming Monday is going to be bulletproof. I'm also going to try to get this Saturday off....
-t
Last night Betsy woke me up because I was moving around too much as I slept. I told her that I was dreaming about some event at church and that Della and I were putting out tables. I remember actually being annoyed that I would have a dream about something as mundane as setting up tables for a church event! Alas, I have these kind of dull dreams all the time. I'm sure I've probably even dreamed of sitting at my computer writing e-mails!
I'm still thinking about the sermon I gave on Dedication a week ago. It was nice to get that preaching sweet spot with the congregation, and I really hope that I can do it again this Sunday. Doing so requires getting into the right head/soul/body place, and that means manipulating interior states. In a lot of religious traditions adepts spend a great amount of time learning to master themselves in this way, but mainline Christians have ignored the need to do so, I'm afraid.
I'm in a bad mood. I made a rookie-pastor mistake and agreed to take a meeting on my day off.... at 4.30 no less! And when I should have tried to reschedule I instead thought, "it won't be so bad." So this is something like my 14th straight day of coming to church (last Monday I spent five hours or so on that wedding). And so by the time Sunday rolls around I will have done 20 straight days of coming into work. Granted, not all of those were full days, but still, the number is depressing. No wonder I'm grumpy today. Like I said, rookie mistake. This upcoming Monday is going to be bulletproof. I'm also going to try to get this Saturday off....
-t
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Random Post-Worship Thoughts
Last night I dreamt that I was about to preside at a funeral service for my grandmother (who died when I was in College several years ago). It was in unfamiliar but large church with a full congregation. I was supposed to preach, but hadn't prepared much and couldn't even recall what the lessons would be. Anyway, I survived the dream.
I also survived today's services. Each Sunday seems to be smoother and smoother as I fit into the grooves of the place. Megan and I have worked out a good system for doing announcements at the beginning of the service. We've also come to a nice place with regards to our "altar craft" (there is still some room for improvement here). Today I tried using the brass desk rather than the pillow to support the Altar Missal. It was a good idea, the "desk" works much better, though I appreciate what the pillow is trying to accomplish. The Chancel Guild is now putting the corporal in the burse--which is what I prefer.
One of the decisions you have make in liturgical planning is whether you imagine that you are doing a rite in a place that is already pre-sanctified, or whether you are coming into the place as for the first time. The difference is that in the latter model you spend a lot more energy marking off holy space and defining it as such. So the procession follows the cross and you deliberately put down the corporal as a beat of the liturgy, etc. If you imagine the space to be already sacred, you don't have to do as much sanctifying. Both modes are good and suitable to Sunday worship, it just tends to bias things in one direction or another depending on what affect you are trying to achieve. The only problem comes when you confuse the two approaches. Anyway, we are working on it.
As we recessing down the aisle after the service, a woman from Egypt reached out and touched the processional cross and kissed her hand. I recognized the gesture immediately, and I'd love to implement a similar devotional practice around the gospel book or the processional cross more regularly. They do this at St. Gregory of Nyssa Episcopal Church in San Francisco. This Sunday's devotional kiss was not a deliberate reference to St. Greg's but there are number of other practices at COTM that were, indeed, inspired by the liturgically innovative parish in San Fran. I understand that St. Greg's does liturgical workshops regularly--it's tempting to put that on my list of continuing ed events. But I think the conferences at St. Bart's in NY in June and the Leadership Summit at Willow Creek in August of next year are higher priorities at the moment. Hopefully I can get a COTM contingent together for one or both.
Speaking of ministry, we have a gift of $10,000 to spend towards a new piano. That's about a 1/3 of what we ultimately may need, but it is enough that we may be able to get a fantastic "concert grade" instrument if we can find a dealer willing to give us a deep discount. Or we might simply have to raise a bit more money--but having the seed of $10k makes a HUGE difference to the likelihood that we'll get what we're looking for. I'm very excited.
Megan did a good job with today's sermon. A couple visiting from SMM told me that it was the best sermon they had heard on the subject of money. It is a hard thing to preach about and she did an excellent job of teasing out the implications of the Scripture's sayings on the topic.
That reminds me, I need to fix the sound system. Not sure how premium I should go with that. I think I would probably do well with about $3k worth of equipment. It will be much easier to repair and upgrade than the SMM system. Besides swapping out the ancient amplifier and wireless mics and adding an EQ and a mini-mixer, I'm also thinking about getting a TASCAM HD P2. These are really designed for field recording, but the flexibility it offers would be nice for recording any kind of concerts that might happen here. I could simply put it where I need it, attach to microphones and we are good to go!
But even before I get to that point I need to make more progress on reading the parish histories, develop the website, rebuild my computer, edit and post sermon videos, get the Rectory rented, meet with Merv, pray, pray, and pray. sigh.
Right now I'm going to go watch some football.
-t
I also survived today's services. Each Sunday seems to be smoother and smoother as I fit into the grooves of the place. Megan and I have worked out a good system for doing announcements at the beginning of the service. We've also come to a nice place with regards to our "altar craft" (there is still some room for improvement here). Today I tried using the brass desk rather than the pillow to support the Altar Missal. It was a good idea, the "desk" works much better, though I appreciate what the pillow is trying to accomplish. The Chancel Guild is now putting the corporal in the burse--which is what I prefer.
One of the decisions you have make in liturgical planning is whether you imagine that you are doing a rite in a place that is already pre-sanctified, or whether you are coming into the place as for the first time. The difference is that in the latter model you spend a lot more energy marking off holy space and defining it as such. So the procession follows the cross and you deliberately put down the corporal as a beat of the liturgy, etc. If you imagine the space to be already sacred, you don't have to do as much sanctifying. Both modes are good and suitable to Sunday worship, it just tends to bias things in one direction or another depending on what affect you are trying to achieve. The only problem comes when you confuse the two approaches. Anyway, we are working on it.
As we recessing down the aisle after the service, a woman from Egypt reached out and touched the processional cross and kissed her hand. I recognized the gesture immediately, and I'd love to implement a similar devotional practice around the gospel book or the processional cross more regularly. They do this at St. Gregory of Nyssa Episcopal Church in San Francisco. This Sunday's devotional kiss was not a deliberate reference to St. Greg's but there are number of other practices at COTM that were, indeed, inspired by the liturgically innovative parish in San Fran. I understand that St. Greg's does liturgical workshops regularly--it's tempting to put that on my list of continuing ed events. But I think the conferences at St. Bart's in NY in June and the Leadership Summit at Willow Creek in August of next year are higher priorities at the moment. Hopefully I can get a COTM contingent together for one or both.
Speaking of ministry, we have a gift of $10,000 to spend towards a new piano. That's about a 1/3 of what we ultimately may need, but it is enough that we may be able to get a fantastic "concert grade" instrument if we can find a dealer willing to give us a deep discount. Or we might simply have to raise a bit more money--but having the seed of $10k makes a HUGE difference to the likelihood that we'll get what we're looking for. I'm very excited.
Megan did a good job with today's sermon. A couple visiting from SMM told me that it was the best sermon they had heard on the subject of money. It is a hard thing to preach about and she did an excellent job of teasing out the implications of the Scripture's sayings on the topic.
That reminds me, I need to fix the sound system. Not sure how premium I should go with that. I think I would probably do well with about $3k worth of equipment. It will be much easier to repair and upgrade than the SMM system. Besides swapping out the ancient amplifier and wireless mics and adding an EQ and a mini-mixer, I'm also thinking about getting a TASCAM HD P2. These are really designed for field recording, but the flexibility it offers would be nice for recording any kind of concerts that might happen here. I could simply put it where I need it, attach to microphones and we are good to go!
But even before I get to that point I need to make more progress on reading the parish histories, develop the website, rebuild my computer, edit and post sermon videos, get the Rectory rented, meet with Merv, pray, pray, and pray. sigh.
Right now I'm going to go watch some football.
-t
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