A Great Day for Henry

Henry had a great day. He got to play "on the big boat" as daddy and some other daddies got it ready for the water. He also got to play Baseball at Sportball with daddy. There was a nap and then there was gardening with daddy and then time in the park with mommy. Homemade pizza for dinner (Henry helped make the dough a few days ago--it's more delicious when in ages a few days). More playtime with daddy kicking around a ball in the back alley. Then chocolate ice cream, early bath, and time on the coach enjoying the Leafs victory. Story time and bed. A great day for Henry. He even got to wear his favorite monster truck shorts all day!

Here is some video of his help gardening....

Sportball

For the past three Saturdays I've taken Henry to a programme called "Sportball." Their tag line is "Non-competitive sports instruction for children 16 months - 12 years old." We did it because Henry is a very active little guy who needs more opportunities to run around in a slightly more purposefully way. I've played catch and soccer and even football with him in the past, and he always enjoys it, so Sportball seemed like a logical next step.

At Henry's age level parents participate with their preschooler. There are two coaches and about dozen parent/kid pairs. The format is always the same, we start off by lining up against the wall on one end of the gym (in the basement of a Baptist Church near the beaches). The coaches play a quick little game to remind the kids of the coaches' names and then play a game meant to build listening/following direction skills called "Sportsball says." Next they reintroduce the whistle and the concept that when the whistle blows everybody stops.

Like almost everything else in Sportball, this involves a game, we run down the gym until a coach blows the whistle and everbody stops. We do some quick stretches in place and then the "train" starts around the track. Really this is just a clever way to get the kids running in the same direction around an oval. I have a hard time getting Henry to do the stretches, but boy does he love running in the oval! The next activity involves the kids practicing really basic ball handling skills (like, pick up a ball in each hand and then try to pick up a third ball between them). I'm not sure, but I think the point of this exercise is to get the kids practicing their concentration.

After that the programme varries depending on which sport we are practicing. In the "basketball" class, for example, the kids learned to dribble by knocking the ball downward out of their grownups hands (who were holding in on both sides). Later in the same module the grownups held hoops and the kids would try throwing the ball through them. All this is done in a non-competitive atmosphere. The focus of the kids (at least of Henry) tends to come and go, and is surprisingly helpful to have a coach come around and say to the little guy, "Henry, can you show me how you throw the ball through the hoop?!"

Part of the point of Sportball is to teach the parents how to teach, and I think it's pretty successful in that regard. Some of the really basic skill exercises are simply not things I would have thought of on my own, and their way of talking to the kids is pretty effective. Kicking the ball, for example, becomes "launching the spaceship off the launch pad."

At the end we sit in a circle, do the "Sportball cheer," and receive stickers as a reward. Sometimes if it seems like the kids have excess energy to burn the coaches will do an activity like chasing bubbles.

I see several benefits to all this. First, it actually is a good workout for Henry both mentally and physically. It stretches his ability to focus and follow direction as well as his physical stamina. Second, it's good for me. Few things will get your blood pumping better than literally chasing after your preschooler for 45 minutes. And then there is just the pleasure of playing with your kid. But perhaps the best benefit is the fact that he and I are engaged together in task that takes us outside of ourselves. Sure, he "helps" me with projects sometimes and I certainly play with him, but this interaction has a very different character as we work together to develop skills like catching, kicking, and throwing.

One of the real validations is the fact that Henry enjoys Sportball and looks forward to it. After it's over he usually falls asleep in the car before we get home. So for any of you parents of little kids, I commend Sportball to you--definitely worth giving up your Saturday morning.

It's interesting that sports is a bigger part of Henry's life than it was for me when I was his age. I remember going with my dad to local high school football games a few times, but rarely did he watch sports of TV. Later, when I was in Junior High, our whole family was very into Indoor Soccer, and had season tickets to watch the local team. That became a big part of our family routine. Ah, yes, the Wichita Wings! But these days I'm tend to follow Football, Basketball, and (less religiously) Hockey. Henry recognizes all these sports. (Being a true Canadian, his favorite to play is probably Hockey).

In a couple of weeks we are going to replace Sportball with Henry's first swimming lessons, and I'll report back on how that goes when it happens!

Bath Time for Henry

Betsy and I both love giving our Henry a bath. We used to do this with a little plastic baby bathtub, but lately we've switched to using a full-size tub. In fact, I often take a bath with Henry, which is great fun. The little guy just loves the bubbles and toys we give him. Johnson's "Baby Bubble Bath & Wash" is awesome stuff. Works well on grownups, too! Tonight I even shaved in the tub while Henry played by my feet with some toys.

One of my favourite things to do is lie down in the the bath and put Henry on my chest, facing me. He likes to push up and arch his back so he can look around. Such a cuttie. Holding your baby like this makes it hard to think about anything else. It just makes everything right, you know?

Since we switched the full-sized tub he has a lot more room to move around and explore. Baths are lasting a lot longer.

After his bath Henry typically gets some skin lotion and then PJ's (with feet, of coure) and then milk and then bed. Sometimes he gets a story or I sing him Compline. Last night he slept for a whopping 12 hours! Go Henry!

-t

Another Day, Another Batch of Beer

Mondays are supposed to be my day off. So why did I end up spending about four hours doing church stuff? Probably because the rest of the week is jam packed. Still, I felt like I got some important things done today--including another batch of beer. It's fermenting away in the basement. Of course, I ended up being awake to 3.30 AM to do it, but it was either that or let another week go back with the ingredients and tools sitting patiently in the corner of the dining room!

Another thing I accomplished today was looking after Henry after Daycare. Betsy has a class on Monday nights, so I was in charge of picking him up and feeeding him supper and getting him ready for bed. Normally Betsy and I divide up many of those tasks.

Henry loves bath time, so I tried something different. Instead of using our little baby tub, I used the big tub. Not only that, but I took a bath with Henry, rather than just bathing him. He enjoyed crawling on my chest and chewing on the wash cloth. It felt good to be with my little son, playing in the water. He is such a delight.

On Sunday we tried a square layout of chairs with the altar in the middle. It was a great success. I see a few small things to tweak, but that is almost always the case. The square says that we are gathered around God. It has a very warm and communal tone to it, even more so than choir-style seating. I definitely appreciated having people so close!

It was also Back-to-Church Sunday. I had asked people to invite a friend, and many did! Attendance was high. We had BBQ afterwards to celebrate.

Nancy, my new Theological Intern, did a splendid job. She's eager to learn and picking things up quickly. She wants to learn about liturgy, so I am attempting to teach her the esoteric secrets of our craft. Sure, everybody knows about picking liturgical texts to use and reading well and all that. But I'm teaching her how to pray in the Vestry before the service, how to set a table, how feel the congregation. It's all very Zen and terrific fun.

As usual, many of the most pressing things on my mind cannot be shared here. In the ebbs and flows of parish life energy flows around this way and that. I have many parishioners on my mind. I don't know if people in parishes realize how much we clergy think about them. One just got Tenure. Another is celebrating a big birthday. Another is growing up fast. I look out on Sunday morning and think, "What on earth does that person need to bring them closer to God?" It's so much easier one-on-one.

I'm feeling very much pulled in different directions. Even when I devote crazy amounts of time and energy it doesn't seem like it's enough. I think everybody probably feels that way, and I feel guilty about it because I ought to know better. Is it time for a vacation, yet?

This next week is going to be crazy busy and a hellafun. Pray for me!

-t

The Wind

Today has been a really interesting day. I felt very "priestly" as I did some rewarding ministry. It started off with my usual Wednesday morning Contemplative Eucharist. Because all the prayers are extemporaneous, it requires a lot of contemplative focus to be in the right moment. You really have to be "right" with the Spirit to do it well, and I find the spiritual challenge of that both exhilarating and humbling.

After that I said morning prayer by myself and did some administrative tasks. Then I had back-to-back counseling sessions that turned out to be Spirit-full and rewarding. I certainly wouldn't say that the Holy Spirit was absent from my life when I was on leave, but She was usually veiled a bit. But when you are working with someone one-on-one on deep spiritual issues sometimes you get this sense of presence that is wonderful. Those kinds of moments in counseling/direction give me such joy and consolation. Occasional moments like I had today are more than enough affirmation of my ministry to sustain me for some time.

Nor does it hurt to have the sense of making progress with the Administrative load I have to bear. Last night we had an NCD--Natural Church Development--planning meeting that went well. I think NCD will be be helpful as we figure out where to go, strategically and operationally. Today I submitted some paperwork for reimbursement for some of my retreat expenses from the summer (Anglican Priests in Canada have a nationally-managed continuing education fund). We are on track to print the latest edition of the resurrected parish newsletter this week. The staff meeting yesterday was very productive. Etc., etc. I'm crossing things off the to-do list and it feels great.

The perfect end is going to come in a few hours as I go sailing. The prediction is for strong winds, so we expect a challenging and exciting race. Last week's strong winds caused the fore-stay to let loose, which could have brought the whole mast down. Fast action saved the rigging and the repair turned out to be straight forward. One of the nice things about racing a Catalina '27 is that she has some extra margins of durability in the design. Many other boats would have lost their masts immediately if the fore-stay broke, but a little bit of redundancy in the rigging design of the Catalina '27 gave us enough time to jury-rig a temporary fix and limp back into port. So we are excited to give her another go.

Henry is doing great. He crawls all over the place, now, which means he must be constantly watched unless we have him in his crib or a pack-n-play. The living room has mostly been turned into a baby-safe zone, but now we need some barriers to keep him in there. He has figured out that he can easily and quickly crawl from the living room to the kitchen. Several times I've caught him just in time as he grabbed a handful of cat food. I think his look of delight on reaching the cat bowls would change to confusion if he managed to shove the pellets into his mouth.

Life is grand. Today is a good day.

-t

Betsy and Henry Playing

A moment from my life these days:



-t

A Pablo Neruda kind of Afternoon

Henry and I had a big day yesterday--several miles of walking and an hour of waiting at Service Ontario to update my Health Card. Henry did pretty well with the waiting in the Government Offices. He can be very flirty and made friends with several baby groupies. (For my American readers: Service Ontario is kind of a one-stop government office where you can get your Driver's License renewed or your Health Card, etc. It's nicer and more efficient than any DMV I've experienced in the states. I've been through the DMV process in CT, VA, NJ, CA, and KS. The worst, if you're wondering, was New Jersey by far. Anyway, the Service Ontario system is another sweet advantage of living in the "socialist" north.) After supper I transferred the watch to Betsy and went to play softball like I normally do on Monday nights.

I had a descent game. My batting is improving rapidly and my fielding was much better. There is lots of room for improvement, but that's why we play the game. But all this seemed pretty unimportant when one of the guys broke his leg sliding into second. It looked to me like he completely dislocated his ankle, but the EMS thought it was just a clean break. Either way, it looked bad, but I snapped right into the crisis mindset I learned as a hospital chaplain. My main concern when I first rushed over was bleeding. Did the fracture severe an artery or vein? When I saw that the fracture/dislocation had not punctured the skin, I was next looking for edema (blood pooling under the skin) but that didn't happen to an appreciable degree, either. At that point we were calling EMS and the guy's wife and even posting guys at the entrances of the park to flag down the ambulance. When the Paramedics arrived they got him on the gurney and took him to the hospital. They said that their main concern was possible nerve damage, but the fact that he could feel his foot was encouraging. Some of the guys were a little shaken by the experience. Me, I just kept thinking of how much worse it could have been. I remember a time when I carried a code/trauma beeper that would summon me to the worst possible kinds of carnage. Honestly, I kind of miss the adrenaline rush of those on-calls.

So today Henry and I are taking it easy. Did some cleaning in the morning, and now I'm in the living room having a Pablo Neruda kind of afternoon. Let me explain what that's like...

It's cool and rainy outside, so I have the doors open to let in the breaze and hear the rain. But I also have a fire going in the fireplace to add some dry warmth to the living room. Henry is on the floor having his mid-afternoon nap. That has become harder since his teeth started emerging from his gums. Me, I'm sipping a little Brandy. My fingers smell like a Cohiba because I was just checking the humidity in my humidor. (I only smoke a few cigars a year, but I like having them on hand just in case.) What else could complete such a scene except a little Pablo Neruda, one of my favourite poets. Check out his "Ode to the Onion":

Ode to the Onion

by Pablo Neruda
Trans. Stephen Mitchell

Onion,
luminous flask,
your beauty formed
petal by petal,
crystal scales expanded you
and in the secrecy of the dark earth
your belly grew round with dew.
Under the earth
the miracle
happened
and when your clumsy
green stem appeared,
and your leaves were born
like swords
in the garden,
the earth heaped up her power
showing your naked transparency,
and as the remote sea
in lifting the breasts of Aphrodite
duplicating the magnolia,
so did the earth
make you,
onion
clear as a planet
and destined
to shine,
constant constellation,
round rose of water,
upon
the table
of the poor.

You make us cry without hurting us.
I have praised everything that exists,
but to me, onion, you are
more beautiful than a bird
of dazzling feathers,
heavenly globe, platinum goblet,
unmoving dance
of the snowy anemone

and the fragrance of the earth lives
in your crystalline nature.

Days like this are made for poetry, warm fires, sleeping infants and cats, and brandy.

-t

Henry's First Dinner

Here we captured Henry's first culninary adventure beyond mommy milk or his blankie...

I love how he clearly learns through the course of this meal that what were offering on the spoon was good.



-t

Hand Washing

When you work in a hospital, as I once did, you learn some useful things. For example, before I was cleared to see patients (as a chaplain) I first had to learn proper hand washing technique. A nurse explained to a group of us that hand washing is the number one method for clinicians to avoid spreading disease from patient-to-patient. Even when you haven't actually touched the patient, merely by being in the room you have come into contact with a contaminant inadvertently. Thus, washing hands between patients is absolutely critical. Then we were shown a short film on how to properly wash your hands. I'll give you the highlights:

1. Turn on the water, adjust the temperature to be comfortably warm
2. Wet your hands
3. Out of the water stream, soap up your hands and scrub vigorously at least to half way up your forearm for at least 20 seconds
4. Rinse your hands in the water
5. Dry your hands with a paper towel
6. Use the paper towel to turn off the water tap... Do not touch the handles

This simple procedure saves thousands a day. Lots and lots of studies have confirmed just how important hand washing is to controlling infection in a clinical setting. And yet mistakes are made. I remember reading a study about how various clinicians were observed to see how often they remembered to wash hands, and Chaplains scored better than doctors! (And so did nurses.)

I'm thinking of this because we took Henry to his six-month well baby doctor visit yesterday. His initial exam was performed by a medical student and both Betsy and I observed that she did not wash her hands correctly before putting hands on the baby. To be fair, it's possible that she washed her hands before entering the room (although, that would require using the door knob between sink and infant). All we saw a brief rinsing of her hands with water, drying with a paper towel, and then turning off the sink with her bare hand. I thought about saying something, but didn't want to be a pushy, germ-obsessed parent. Nor did I want to embarrass her with her Supervisor (who wasn't in the room for the exam). She must be very new to clinical pediatrics, because she had never seen a cloth diaper before. But I now I regret not saying anything. She was there to learn, after all.

-t

House Husband

My parental leave started on Sunday afternoon after church. Of course, that didn't exactly mean that work stopped right away. I still had to move a bunch of stuff out of my office (my computer, some unfinished work files, etc.) to set up a home office for the summer. If I were a better person I would simply walk away, but I'm afraid that my to-do list is just a little too daunting! For example, if we are going to send out a fundraising appeal letter this summer, then I need to write it!

But the main work this summer is, naturally, taking care of little Henry. He's been a champ. His routine is a pretty simple 2 hour cycle. When he wakes up from his nap, he gets changed and fed. Then he's pretty alert and happy for a while. He likes to roll around on the floor or be held or play with blankie. Sometimes, if he seems bored, I'll put him in the "Circle of Neglect" (which is a bouncy chair thing with lots of activities that make noise and flash lights and things when he plays with them). Then after about two hours have elapsed he starts to get tired and a bit cranky. The naps that follow are typically about 20 minutes (though he sometimes has a longer nap in the afternoon) and everything starts again.

One of my concerns has been about how much I will actually be able to get done while taking care of Henry. So far... a surprising amount. The key is to use the 20 minute nap times efficiently to do the stuff that can't be done with him in hand. Taking a shower, for example. But then there are a lot of things that can be managed with one hand (the other holding the baby). And then there are lots of times when he is content to simply be near me while I'm paying attention to something else.

So far I've been able to get things done. I've taken him grocery shopping and to the liquor store and with me to meetings and lots other activities. No problem. To mow the lawn I simply strapped him to my chest with a Baby Bjorn and got to work.

He seems to be pretty happy with it. He enjoys new things and places. And random people occasionally want to get a close look at him.

So the first week of being a house husband has gone extremely well, thanks for asking!

-t

Summer

As my Paternity leave (June, July, and August) draws close, I'm finding it harder and harder to concentrate on church-land. Yet, of course, there is lots to get done at the last minute before I leave. There are major decisions to be made about lots of little things. The Rectory needs repairs. The AC units in the church need servicing. I need to write a fundraising appeal letter that will go out this summer. I need to review our mailing list. Etc., etc.

But the summer is already starting. Toronto just springs to life as patios open and people start walking around in shorts and flip-flops. Me, I whip out my Hawaiian shirts and kilt (but not at the same time--my wife would kill me). I also start up my summer recreation projects--of which I have two: softball and sailing.

The softball season has started well. I meet up with a very, very informal group of guy and gals that meet on Monday nights in a local park to play ball and drink beer. It's not a very serious game, and we don't ask that people be good, but they do have to try! I've noticed that my skills are where I left them, they didn't degrade much over the winter break, which is nice. My hitting, in particular, is rapidly improving with practice.

Me lounging on the foredeck of my friend's boat the Peregrine.
The other weekly commitment I have in the summer is sailing. I crew for a friend as we race every Wednesday. Tonight was our second race of season, and we did pretty well. As usual, I serve on the foredeck (front of the boat) while the skipper manages the tiller (rudder) and another crew member handles the sail trimming. Tonight we also had an additional sailer at mid-ship. On our first race, we beat one boat out of the 7 we race against in our division. Tonight we beat two.

Now, in deserves mention that our boat is at a significant disadvantage. The rating system that handicaps different boat designs so that they can compete fairly in the same race is really not designed for short-course, inner-harbour sailing like the Wednesday night racing series at QCYC. The Peregrine (a roughly 7,000 lbs. 27 foot Catalina) has to race against Tanzer 22's (3,000 lbs) and Abbott 22's (also around 3,000 lbs). We can hold our own in heavy wind and distance, but these short courses in freaky Toronto inner-harbour wind favour smaller boats. It's just a fact. So we have to work very, very hard to be competitive.

So this summer Skipper Dave and his brave crew have a plan. First, we took several hundred pounds off the boat. Extra anchors, the water heater, and many other non-essential items were stowed on-shore. Next, we installed bubble levels in strategic locations so that we can see how the boat sits level fore and aft. We can move crew around the boat to change the weight balance to trim the boat favorably. We are also getting a new, custom sail (which should arrive in the next week). We've worked on rigging a whisker pole on deep reaches. We are working on getting our tacks smoother and our tacks sharper. These are relatively minor adjustments, but they have already made a huge difference. We are within sight of being in the middle of the fleet.

It seems like I'm asking a lot from Betsy and Henry--Monday and Wednesday nights--but on the other hand it's pretty much the only exercise I get. Betsy likes to say that I am a lot happier when I get to play softball and race on the Peregrine. I don't think it's much of a stretch to say that going outside and running around makes me a better father. And I do look after Henry when Betsy goes to book club or the gym!

Anyway, it's summer in Toronto and pretty soon I'm going to have a lot of time to be with Henry while Betsy works on her dissertation. Maybe I can get some more exercise by taking the little guy on walks? It's gonna be a great summer!

-t

Baby Morality

Scientists at the Infant Cognition Center at Yale have been researching whether infants are born with a sense of right and wrong. Increasingly, the evidence seems to be that they do! Check out this demonstration of the testing method....

Man, that Square makes me so mad! Lol. I'd love to try this with Henry when he gets slightly older!

-t

Monday Shopping

A glimpse into my typical Monday...

Betsy woke me up by putting Henry next to me and informing me that she was going to the gym. Not a surprise, I had promised to take care of Henry the night before. The little guy was having a post-breakfast nap, so I decided to take advantage of the moment by taking a quick shower before Betsy was actually out of the door.

By the time I finished Betsy was gone and the baby was still asleep. Typically these kinds of naps only last about 20 minutes. Predictably, he was soon awake and asking for attention. I managed to get dressed quickly and went downstairs for my breakfast. Henry likes to be held. He has little patience for me cooking and leaving him in his swing or lying in his baby gym. So I strapped him onto my chest with the Baby Bjorn and made a quick fried-egg breakfast.

By the time I finished eating he was done and ready for something else. I put him in his car seat (Graco 32) which I locked into it's basic frame (Graco Snap-N-Go). When I attach the five-point harness of the seat I often play the Mission-Control-to-Captain-Moss routine. He likes that.

His momentary distraction at thoughts of space flight was long enough for me to check the baby go-bag (aka Diaper bag). Bare minimum equipment for Henry outings:

• 1 Baby Bottle with fresh breast milk (enough for 2 feedings)
• 4 disposable diapers (easier to manage than cloth when status Oscar Mike ("On the Move")
• pacifier (not really his thing, but occasionally helpful)
• Burp Cloth
• Change of clothes
• Baby wipes
• Itz Been (a device that keeps track of time since last feeding/changing/etc)

Go-Bag checked, we headed out the door.

Henry likes to travel (usually). He looks around and enjoys the view. These days he is more and more interested in the environment around him when we go for walks, so the rear-facing Snap-N-Go is limiting in that way. It's also not a very smooth ride even on city sidewalks. It's really designed for indoor use.

Nonetheless, I managed to make it to my office to pick up a few things and then the bank. The teller knows greeted Henry by name (we are well known there) and did the appropriate "Oh, isn't he cute" stuff. Business done, I started walking toward my next errand.

As luck would have it, Betsy was just finishing at the gym, so by 12.30 we were all re-united. We snapped the car seat into it's base in the car and we were off to Long and McQuade. I picked up a device called a "DI Box" so that Kerrie from church will be able to plug her laptop's sound directly in the church's sound system. (I also figured out that this works great with my iPhone, too.) I haven't always gotten the best service from Long and McQuade, but they do have the best stock of pro-audio gear in the city.

Next stop, Li'l Niblets up on Avenue Road. It's our favourite baby store. Since both Henry and his parents are outgrowing the Snap-N-Go, it's time for a new stroller. I'm glad we didn't invest in this before Henry arrived, we have a much better idea of what we need, now.

Buying a stroller is a lot like buying a car. You go in with a price point in mind and set of features that appeal to you. Then you compare different models. We decided to go for the Valco Baby Trimode EX. It has nice, big wheels (similar to a "jogging" stroller), but still collapses into a manageable size. The seat reclines to completely horizontal. The canopy is nice and long for hotter, sunnier days. It has tonnes of pockets for storage. In the future we can also add a toddler seat if Henry has a little brother or sister. They assembled the stroller for us and we loaded up the baby and were good to go.

Incidentally, while we were in Li'l Niblets Henry needed to nurse and get changed. They have some really nice little rooms for this purpose.

While in the shop, I got a random call from a crazy person I had never met wanting money. She explained that God instructs her, by "moving clouds around," that she is supposed to send packages and letters to various influential persons. She went on to complain about how various people have mistreated her (ex, the church, the government, etc.). I tried to be nice, but I'm not going to give her hundreds of dollars just because she wants to send long, crazy letters to politicians. I can do that myself!

Back in the car, the next stop was The Butchers. It's a little out of the way for us, but since I got some beef there in Holy Week to feed relatives I've been really impressed with their service, product, and price. This time, when I went in and asked if they had any specials the friendly butcher simply said, "Whatcha lookin' for? We'll work with you... how's 10% off sound?" Henry's cute smile got us an additional few dollars shaved off the price at the register. The butcher told me that they get all their meat from a particular Ontario Organic Coop. I don't always get organic food, but I try when I can.

As we left we could hear another customer asking for whatever bones they might have. Probably to make stock. Good idea.

Next stop: the shoe store. Less than a year ago I bought a pair of boat-shoe "style" footwear from The Bay. They quickly fell to pieces this winter. The sidewalk salt killed the leather and the sole developed a nasty crack that would leak water whenever I stepped in a puddle. Not good. So I got another pair of my favourite "real" boat-shoes: Sperry Topsiders.

There are several things that make these "real" boat shoes. First, the leather has been treated to resist water damage. Second, the soles are non-marking--meaning they won't leave marks when they slide across a fibreglass deck (which my Skipper Dave will appreciate on race days). Third, the sole is also designed to maintain traction on wet surfaces (also a plus on race day). I found a comfortable pair and checked out around the time that Henry was finished with shopping.

As Betsy picked up our hungry little man, a clerk made an offhand comment about how we were "spoiling" him. Honestly, I don't think it is possible to spoil a four-month-old. He's an infant and he's hungry--we're supposed to ignore that so he can learn that life is hard? We didn't say anything, the woman was trying to be charming. It is interesting, though, how often people make comments in public about our parenting decisions.

We went home and I made BBQ feeling pretty satisfied about my day....

-t

Sears and Sears

Henry went through a crying spell this evening that lasted about three hours. Nothing we tried consoled him. Or, more accurately, something would seem to do the trick but then a few minutes later he would start crying again. We changed him, we fed him, we burped him. We tried walking around with him. We took off our shirts and his outfit to maximize the skin-on-skin contact. We gave him a bath. We tried it all. Then... in desperation... we read the directions. This is what you do when all else fails--you consult the manual.

Specifically, we pulled out our copy of The Baby Book by Dr. William Sears and his wife, Nurse Martha Sears. They raised eight kids and practiced pediatric medicine for thirty years. Their book is a classic of the baby-manual genre. Detailed yet not overwhelming, they advocate Attachment Parenting (the term itself was devised by Dr. Sears) and approach parents with a very soothing tone throughout the book. Footnote: Dr. Sears served as associate ward chief of the newborn nursery at Sick Kids Hospital here in Toronto for some years. Two of William and Martha's kids followed them into the practice, and one of them, Bob, is currently taking patients. He charges $165 for a 20-minute well baby visit and expects to be paid in full by his patients. Meaning, that if your insurance will cover the visit then you are going to have to seek reimbursement from them.

Anyway... Henry was upset and so Betsy and I took turns doing our best while the parent without the Mossling read through The Sears and Sears chapter on comforting a fussy baby. The possible causes for fussiness are legion. Could be something Betsy ate. Or he could have gas. Or perhaps his biorhythms have gotten out of whack. The list goes on, and so do the recommended ways to pacify the critter. Movement, touch, southing sounds, and sights are all suggested in detail. They talk about the "Colic Dance" which requires moving in four planes of motion at a rate of 60 beats per minute (roughly the same as a human heart rate). They suggest various ways to hold a fussy baby that may be helpful. They even recommend abdominal massage technique designed to relieve gas. But, at the end of the day, the concede that sometimes babies are just going to cry whatever you do, and so all you can do is let them know that you are there with them in the hurt.

Eventually Henry did calm down. Then he had a relaxed feed and I rocked him to sleep in the nursery before composing this note. Sigh. It's all part of the new way.

-t

120

I'll fight anyone who doesn't agree with me that Battlestar Galactica (I mean the 2004 edition) is one the finest television series of our time. Well written, superbly acted, and deeply insightful about leadership, military culture, and human drive for survival. It also had much more to say about theological matters than pretty much any TV series I have seen in a long time. The re-boot of BSG began with a two-part miniseries aired in 2003. After that, it began a convention run as a series that finally ended in 2009, though future movies set in the BSG world are still a very real possibility.

Anyway, the series kicked off with an episode entitled "33." It is the favourite of many of the actors, fans, and production team for good reason. The plot is relatively simple--the last humans have formed up into an armada of civilian ships and one "Battlestar." The Battlestar is a kind of combination aircraft (err.. space craft) carrier, battleship, and battlecruiser. They are running from a militarily superior force of artificial beings called the Cylon determined to wipe out all human life.

In this episode, the fleet "Jumps" with faster-than-light travel to a new location. The jumps are untrackable. Yet 33 minutes after each jump, the Cylons appear at the new location and attack the fleet. The fleet jumps away to a new location and, 33 minutes later, the Cylons appear and attack again. The episode starts the story after several days of this cat-and-mouse. Most of the fleet, especially the military-ops folks, are suffering from severe sleep deprivation. 33 Minutes isn't long enough to do much more than refuel, rearm, and get in a quick briefing before the next attack.

(Side note--besides consulting psychologists and medical doctors about the effects of sleep deprivation, some members of the cast actually went without sleep for several days to get an even deeper sense of what this scenario would be like in real life. It's a good anecdote about how seriously the cast took their roles in this series.)

Anyway, imagine having to fight or flee every 33 minutes? Scary.

These days, in our house, we are experiencing something similar. Every 120 minutes or so our little guy wakes up and needs to be fed and changed. It not exactly every 120 minutes, of course, but it's close. We have a little timer called an "Itzbeen" that helpful tracks how long it has been since he was last fed or had his diaper changed. And sometimes that timer will go beyond 120 minutes.... But even as it does you know it will be by much before he begins to fuss and smack his lips like the hungry little guy he is.

I'm lucky, most of the time at night I can sleep through this 2-hour cycle. Betsy is the one who bears the brunt of it, and I can see the effect. Of the two of us I was always the better one for day-time naps and night-time wakefulness, so this really isn't fair. Ah well.

Even now I can tell that it will soon be time to take our little Henry to his mother. The cycle continues....

-t

Some more pix of Henry

I love this picture. In the hospital--Betsy was ready to come home, but Henry had to bake under special lights for 12 hours to cure some Jaundice. The incubator was there to keep him simultaneously warm and naked--however it is a little freaky to see your baby in a plastic box like this.
Happy Grandparents
Betsy and Henry, home and happy

Home again

We're now home with Henry. There is a fire in the fireplace and cooking smells coming from the kitchen. Henry is still in his car-seat carrier deal from the trip--he seems to like it so there is no reason to take him out just yet. Betsy is playing with her iphone--returning messages and e-mails, no doubt.

Life feels very, very good. I feel extremely grateful to all the people that were praying for us and wishing us well. I'm also grateful to our midwives, doctors, and nurses for their excellent care. Particularly I want to mention Dr. Kingdom, a good Anglican (he goes to St. Paul's, Bloor Street), who was the OB on call that did Betsy's surgery. Super competent and attentive. He also wishes that midwifery care was better integrated into the medical system as it is in the UK and the US. In fact, his own children were delivered by midwife in the UK. He was the first one at the hospital to really take us seriously (initially the nurses at the time didn't properly understand the urgency that our midwife was trying to convey). But he knew what he was looking at and got her into the OR STAT.

We also were treated to some excellent nursing care. Francis, Wendy, and Sue were particularly patient with our late-night feedings and such.

And, of course, our midwives were great. Our primary midwife Tia has been great, and Marlene, our backup, was a wonderful and extremely helpful participant in the birth.

So, now we are just settling back into something like what our normal life will become!

-t

William Henry Moss

Here's my little guy, William Henry Moss. We'll call him "Henry." He's a cuttie pie. Unfortunately, he's developed some Jaundice (extremely common) and needs to spend another night at the Hospital. Betsy is ready to come home, but will stay with him, naturally. Jaundice, incidentally, is when the level of a bi-product of the normal breakdown of red blood cells called Bilirubin gets too high in the blood. Normally bilirubin is filtered out by the liver and exits the body through the intestinal tract. But newborns have both high turnover of red blood cells and newly-developing livers, so often the Bilirubin levels get too high. Most of the time this will resolve itself naturally once the mother's milk comes in (exposure to sunlight also helps), but some Pediatricians (such as the one assigned to us by the hospital) are more aggressive about treating this than others. If we hadn't been in the hospital in the first place it probably wouldn't be an issue. But once we were transfered to hospital care from the midwife, we kind of lost control of that. We had never even met the MD who ordered the treatment until the nurse twice requested the pediatrician visit us. Interesting how our nurse let us know that our case was borderline and that it would be reasonable for us to go home and yet never actually directly questioned the doctor's judgment. Hmm. But when your nurse tells you to get a second opinion you know something is up. Anyway, the momentum was against us and the pediatrician was quite dismissive and rude and we're exhausted, so.... Henry is going get treated for Jaundice. (Oh, and did I mention that the pediatrician in question never even examined Henry? All she cared about was one number on the chart (Bilirubin level).)

Fortunately, the treatment is non-invasive. They put him in an incubator to keep him both naked and warm, and shine some special lights on him overnight. He can still feed as normal--but I anticipate a difficult night for our little guy.

Otherwise... things are definitely swinging back toward equilibrium. Family is coming into town today and that will be helpful. I'm home for a few hours just to get some stuff for Betsy and take a shower. Might catch a nap, too.

-t

Birth Story Pre-Posting

Betsy gave birth to our son, William Henry Moss (we'll call him "Henry") on Saturday afternoon at 1:34 PM. He was 8lbs 6oz. of joy right from the get go. He was born at home, which was an awesome and beautiful experience, but then Betsy developed a rare and unforeseeable complication that required her to go into the hospital for surgery. The surgery was successful and hopefully she will be able to come home tomorrow (Tuesday). I've been with her and Henry in the hospital, but I'm just coming home to take a shower, nap and post this update.

Big thanks to everyone for their prayers and concern. It means a lot to us that so many people have been apart of this time in our lives. I'll be able to share more details and lessons learned and other blog-worthy tid-bits after we've had a chance to get our bearings again. Right now I'm just gonna go down for a nap!

-t