After Easter, Comforting the Afflicted...

According to an article in the NYTimes, Dover Air Force Base is undergoing an ominous building boom. Base officials are expanding the mortuary facilities as they expect both a surge of causalities and changes the way the military "repatriates" remains. In the past, family members were not encouraged to be on the tarmac at Dover to receive the remains of their loved ones. The Government would not pay for their travel or accommodation. But ever since the ban of photographing repatriation ceremonies was limited, the government has softened these policies. Now, the military pays for family members to be at Dover, and many are. According to the article, about 75% of families are now present to receive the deceased (and about 55% of them allow media coverage).

Because so many families are now coming to the base, officials have embarked on an ambitious building campaign to provide facilities to support their grief:

In January, Dover opened the Center for the Families of the Fallen, a $1.6 million, 6,000-square-foot space of soft lighting and earth-toned furniture where parents, spouses, children, siblings and other relatives assemble before they are taken to the flight line. On May 1, there is to be a groundbreaking for a new $4.5 million hotel for families who need to spend the night. The same day, ground will also be broken on what Dover officials are calling a meditation center, a nondenominational space with an adjacent garden where relatives can pray or be alone. (source)

Much of this building is being support by donations, not tax dollars. President Obama, for instance, personally donated $250,000 of his Nobel Prize money to the project. They also received help from the Fisher House Foundation.

Many times the article points out that nice gardens and chapel spaces and comfortable lobbies don't seem to make much difference to the feelings of loss. And yet, my experience is that these gestures of care are not lost on the bereaved, either. From my chaplaincy days I remember the research about how the healthy adaption to grief is facilitated by good, immediate care. In other words, there is a very big role for caregivers and friends is helping someone cope with a loss, and environment you do this work in is important.

Back at Yale-New Haven Hospital, we had two rooms specifically set aside for the dead and the bereaved. One was near the Emergency Room, and was set-aside because a busy emergency ward is the furthest thing from peace and privacy. The second was in the pediatrics area of the hospital. It was a quiet, windowless room with soft light, comfortable chairs, and lots of tissue boxes. It was a place where parents who had lost a child could simply be with their child.

Unfortunately, our culture has lost much of its knowledge of how to grieve well. We have professionalized the formerly domestic sphere of death. Thus, special rooms in hospitals and special buildings on military bases have become necessary. As Easter people, we Christians have a particular ministry to those who have experienced death. I think of Simon and the women who cared for Jesus' body. Holy work.

-t

Father Oneko

Today's NYTimes has a stunning portrait of a Roman Catholic priest--Fr. Chrispin Oneko--from Kenya now serving in Kentucky. It's really inspiring to hear what some priests (Roman or otherwise) do in their parishes with simple love. But what really got my attention is when he had to reach out to his congregation after a traumatic incident back home:

One morning in January, Father Oneko received a phone call from his family in Kenya, where a disputed presidential election had just set off a wave of intertribal anger and violence.

A mob had set fire to his parents’ house because they had given shelter to a family of a rival tribe the mob was chasing. Father Oneko’s 32-year-old brother, Vincent Oloo, arrived in time to help their elderly parents escape the burning house. But the mob turned on Father Oneko’s brother, shooting him dead. He left a wife and three children.

“My parents were just crying and crying,” Father Oneko said. “My father is crying and saying, ‘Now I’m losing all the children, who will bury me?’ ”

Father Oneko phoned his friend the Rev. John Thomas and then Mrs. Lake, his faithful volunteer administrator. She was stunned at the news, and for half an hour listened to and consoled her priest — a sudden role reversal. Father Oneko was troubled to hear his mother wailing on the phone and to know that he could not go to Kenya to perform the funeral. His parents insisted it was too dangerous for him to come.

Mrs. Lake called three of the church’s Silver Angels, a club of elders. They phoned more church members, and in two hours 60 people had assembled at a special noon Mass in memory of Father Oneko’s brother.

At the end of the Mass, they lined up in the center aisle as if for communion, and Father Oneko stood at the front receiving their embraces one by one.

He was overwhelmed by the outpouring of sympathy. Children in the parish school in Hopkinsville made him cards; one showed his brother with a halo, in the clouds. The bishop and priests of the diocese e-mailed and phoned their condolences. St. Michael’s and the parish in Hopkinsville took up a special collection for his family that totaled $5,600.

“It seems the whole church is praying with me,” Father Oneko said a few days later, as he read through the children’s cards. “You feel like you’re not a foreigner, just a part of the family. It makes me know how much I am to them.” (source)

This kind of touching story shows how trauma and grief can create opportunities for new kinds of healing and relationship in communities that are open to transformation. This kind of thing bonds a congregation to their pastor in a deep, deep way. Worth noting, the obvious mutual bond between priest and parish did not result in growth in numbers. When he was transferred to another post after four years, attendance was still hovering around the same numbers it had before he came. Another reason why ministry should not be judged according to Average Sunday Attendance!

-t

Update on Mt. Calvary Monastery Fire

Holy Cross, West Park, has this information on their website about the fire:

Mount Calvary Monastery, in Santa Barbara, CA, destroyed by fire

We are sorry to report that it looks like we have lost Mount Calvary Retreat House and Monastery to the flames. No one has been permitted to see the damage, but the reports on the news and from the fire department is that is is gone (as the below aerial picture found on a news feed seems to attest).

Guests, Brothers and staff are safe. The brothers are staying at the St Mary's Convent of the Holy Nativity Sisters, in Santa Barbara, for which we offer deep thanks. We ask for your prayers for all of them and all those affected by the fires.

We may not be able to return individual messages on this situation at this time. Thank you for your understanding. (source)

I also came across this updated article released by the Episcopal News Service:

Mount Calvary Retreat House, 100 homes are lost in Santa Barbara wildfire

Episcopal Life Online
November 14, 2008

LOS ANGELES: Dangerous “sundowner” winds fan flames, destroy Episcopal monastery

By Pat McCaughan

November 14, 2008

[Episcopal News Service, Santa Barbara] - Dangerous 70-mile-an-hour winds known as “sundowners” exploded fire across parts of Southern California on November 13-14, injuring at least four people, destroying an estimated 100 homes, and leveling an internationally known monastery of the Episcopal Order of the Holy Cross.

Residents of the picturesque Montecito area of Santa Barbara were evacuated as firefighters battled flames after the winds had died down. The “sundowner” effect results from the violent clash of hot air from the Santa Ynez Mountains and the cool air of the Pacific Ocean.

Property losses were estimated in the millions and climbing in the scenic area, where many celebrities, such as Oprah Winfrey and others, have homes.

Six monks of the Order of the Holy Cross who reside at the Mt. Calvary Retreat House were evacuated at about 7:30 p.m. on November 13 to St. Mary’s Retreat House, run by the Episcopal Order of Sisters of the Holy Nativity, according to Brother Nicholas Radelmiller, OHC prior.

He estimated that losses from the destruction of the 41-year-old Spanish-style monastery, which had hosted international conferences and retreat guests, were in the millions.

“We all feel kind of numbed, shocked, by the whole thing,” he said. About 25 guests who were staying at the retreat center, which sat atop a ridge 1,250 feet above Santa Barbara, left at 6:00 p.m. on November 13, Radelmiller said. Shortly afterwards, he said, “we looked out our refectory window and could see flames a ridge away. They were getting bigger and bigger. We did the dishes and decided we had better leave, so each of us packed a little suitcase and left.”

Penny Hurt, an assistant to Sister Abigail at St. Mary’s Retreat House, described the brothers as shaken by the ordeal. “We tried to get up there last night but the police weren’t letting anyone into that area. Shortly afterwards, they came down. All of that area is gone now, it’s terrible. We’re just so glad the sisters can offer them refuge.”

“It is a lovely gesture by St. Mary’s,” said Nancy Bullock, Mt. Calvary retreat house manager. She said the brothers were getting organized and she would like to get to a computer so she can “let everyone know we won’t be doing any retreats soon.”

She said the retreat house, established in 1947 by Fr. Karl Tiedemann, OHC, as the retreat and conference center of the Order of the Holy Cross on the West Coast, books two years in advance. The guesthouse is operated and staffed by six members of the monastic community and a professional staff and chef.

Bishop J. Jon Bruno of Los Angeles, who is in close telephone contact with clergy leaders in the Santa Barbara area, has asked the prayers of the diocesan community and the wider church for all those affected by the fire. The bishop and staff of the Diocese of Los Angeles have pledged their support in assisting the coordination of fire recovery efforts. Checks, payable to the Treasurer of the Diocese and earmarked "Montecito Fire Recovery," may be sent to the Bishop's Office, 840 Echo Park Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90026.

Expressions of concern and offers of assistance are already pouring in to the diocese and to nearby parishes. All Saints’ Church in Montecito offered a noon prayer service on November 14 and the church is open, although the parish school remains closed as a precaution. There were reports that classrooms at nearby Westmont College had burned and the campus had been evacuated.

Staff at All Saints’ are working with other area churches to coordinate efforts to help those who were evacuated or potentially lost their homes.

“Part of the problem is, we just don’t know a lot yet,” said Bullock, whose husband, the Rev. Jeff Bullock, is rector of All Saints.

Melinda Carey, parish secretary at Trinity Church in Santa Barbara, said the office was staffed in case parishioners needed assistance, and that the Rev. Mark Asman, rector, is networking with Jeff Bullock and other clergy in the area to coordinate relief efforts as needed. As yet, they had not received many calls. “Part of the problem is, it’s still happening,” Carey said. “We don’t know which homes have burned yet, so those who’ve been evacuated don’t even know if their homes are standing or not.”

She added, “Bishop Bruno was on it right away--he called and talked to everyone.”

Dick Tiff, a Santa Barbara resident and associate of the OHC order, called news of Mt. Calvary’s destruction “devastating.”

“I usually go there every Friday morning for breakfast and Eucharist,” he said. “When I heard the news, I just gasped. I’ve been going there about 20 years.”

Meanwhile, Nancy Bullock was already focused on the next steps, of obtaining a computer, accessing the mailing list and notifying future retreatants. “People in the immediate area will realize that retreats are cancelled, but we get people from all over and we want to let them know they need to make other plans,” she said.

Staff of the retreat center at the Cathedral Center of the Diocese of Los Angeles, and Canon Peter Bergstrom, executive director of Camp Stevens in Julian, California, have already offered to work with the monks and their staff to accommodate cancelled retreats.

The company that carries Mount Calvary’s insurance policies has already been contacted, Bullock said, but added that many of the furnishings inside the 20,000-square-foot retreat house were priceless. “It’s in the millions of dollars. I just don’t know what to say,” she said. “There was the beautiful gold altar, from 17th century South America, and the 1652 painting of Jesus healing the paralytic, as well as the painting of our founder, as well as the brothers’ personal belongings.”

The brothers and staff at Mt. Calvary, were able to leave with some of the hilltop retreat house's valuable art treasures, as well as computer records, Bullock said, adding, "But so much is lost."

Radelmiller said that the monks intend to rebuild their ministry.

“We have great gratitude that we’re all safe and we’re very grateful for all of the expressions of concern, help and prayers that people have mentioned to us,” he said. “We’ve all lost personal possessions and all of the stuff at Mount Calvary including artwork--and in the end, that doesn’t really matter. The life and ministry of Mount Calvary will go on, maybe in another fashion, but it will go on. We’re confident in that.”

The Rev. Pat McCaughan is senior correspondent for The Episcopal News. Bob Williams, canon for community relations for the diocese, and Janet Kawamoto, editor of The Episcopal News, contributed to this report. (source)

You can look at a slideshow of images from the fire (including about 6 or 7 of the remains of the Monastery, by following this link.



Bishop Packard, who used to be the Bishop for Chaplaincies in the Episcopal Church USA, has a very thoughtful reflection on his blog:

For our often rootless population we have claimed it as a refuge and spiritual home. We, and a lot of other pilgrims do so. This is a very sad moment. Please join me in prayers for the all those who are now homeless. Pray as well for the firefighters, those who have been injured, and those who have died.

Of course we stand with the members of the Order of the Holy Cross in any intention they have for the future. Checks payable to the Treasurer of the Diocese of Los Angeles and earmarked, "Montecito Fire Recovery" may be sent to Bishop Jon Bruno, 840Echo Park Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90028.

The inferno can't burn away the sweet memories of that place in our hearts and we each have them. Let's hope those recollections can be the intention to join in re-building for tomorrow. +gep (source)

The Cross still stands

One of the images that haunts me is the loss of that 17th Century altar from Latin America. I know that these are just things, but part of having an incarnational and sacramental spirituality is saying that in some sense stuff does matter. Our lives matter and our material world matters. That's certainly not the end of the matter or a license to materialism, it's just a way of saying that this loss is real and worth grieving.

-t

How OHC Found Mt. Calvary

I don't have my copy of the history of the Order handy, but as I recall the finding of that house goes something like this. The Order decided to found a house out West in the 1940's. A brother was dispatched to scout properties. He searched in the Santa Barbara area but didn't find anything suitable. He went to a local barber to get his hair cut, and in the ensuing small talk with the barber described his search for a house suitable to become a monastery. Another patron overheard and told the monk that he was selling his house and it might work perfectly for the brothers. It was a Spanish-Style home with a central courtyard and a beautiful view of the coast. Sure enough, the place was perfect.

When people asked me to compare the two houses, I would say that the glory of West Park is in the morning as the sun rises over Hyde Park and the Hudson River. The glory of Mt. Calvary was watching the sun set on the Pacific Ocean. Light absolutely poured into that place from all the open windows and breezy doorways. I particularly liked the courtyard garden, the library, and the citrus trees growing around the property.

What a loss.

-t

A Desert Fathers Morning

A brother collected palm-leaves in his cell. And as soon as he sat down to plait them, his mind suggested he should go visit one of the old men. He meditated on it, and said: "I will go in a few days." And then his mind suggested: "Suppose he dies during the next few days, what will you do?" "I will go now and talk with him, because it is summer time." And again he thought: "No, it is not the proper time yet." Then he said: "It will be time when you have cut the reeds for the mats." And he said: "I will spread out these palm-leaves and then go." Then he said: "But today it is fine weather."

So he rose, left his pile of palms, took his cloak, and went out. But nearby was another old man, a man of prophetic vision. When he saw the brother hurrying out, he called to him: "Prisoner, prisoner, where are you running to? Come here to me." He came: and the old man said to him: "Go back to your cell." The brother described to him the ups and downs and indecisions of his his mind, and then went back to his cell. And as soon as he entered it, he fell down and did penance. And suddenly the demons shrieked aloud: "You have conquered us, monk, you have conquered us." And the mat on which he lay was singed as though by fire, and the demons vanished away like smoke; and the brother learnt their wiles. (source: The Desert Fathers XI.51)

This passage came up at the Contemplative Eucharist this morning. I can relate.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit ill. I've been fighting a low-grade respiratory something for a few days now. Not pleasant. Cough and aches. No fun. And yet I have several things I want to do today.

My spiritual teachers would tell me that these kinds of bugs are not accidental. No doubt it is trying to "tell me" something. The Desert Fathers would no doubt say that such a demon is caused by grief, or some such thing.

Is it a coincidence that I interred the ashes of a parishioner on Monday or that 3 brothers have died in the span of five months in the Order of the Holy Cross? Death seems to be lurking around right now. Even the plants are affected: last night I picked the last of the peppers ahead of the first freeze in the back yard.

That's weird: even as I was writing this blog entry I got an e-mail from the diocese notifying me that a Deaconess whom I never met died. The funeral is on Friday.

Hmmm.
-t

Intensity

Kind of intense day spiritually. The Contemplative Eucharist had unusually deep silences. As usual with meditation and contemplative practice the key is to observe without judging, so my observation is simply that the silences felt deeper and more peaceful even than usual. I wonder whether the fact that this group is settling into a way of being together on Wednesday mornings is a factor. That is, the novelty is wearing off and the real work of sitting has begun.

Then there was an intense pastoral care session with a person experiencing acute grief. I'm pretty experienced helping people process grief, but it doesn't make it any easier on my end, since in order to do that work it is necessary to go to the grief place oneself.

And now it's only time for lunch! Wow.

-t

Ordinations

Church this morning was good--but I was made aware of how much work I have to do. For instance, I have to revamp the way COTM does acolytes. I have to train some of them to assist me at the altar. I'm also anxious to make progress on hiring someone to help redesign our Sunday School curriculum. After the service a bunch of volunteers and I worked on taking down the Christmas decorations. That whole process went well and I was impressed with how much we were able to do in only a few hours.

In the late afternoon I went to the Priesting of a friend of mine, Jason Van Veghelwood. Ordinations leave you feeling really good about the church, and I enjoyed the chance to take part in such an intense and personal liturgy. As I felt the intensity I noted, in my mind, that that kind of feeling is rare in Anglican liturgy. But I have seen it in, for instance, healing prayer eucharists. However, why aren't baptisms or marriages so prayerful as ordinations feel?

On another tangent, right now I'm thinking about something that makes me very sad, but I can't stop thinking about it, either. That means I'm not finished processing it. This kind of internal work sucks--I mean who wants to think about sad things? Yet the coolest water is always at the bottom of the well.

-t