A Desert Fathers Morning

A brother collected palm-leaves in his cell. And as soon as he sat down to plait them, his mind suggested he should go visit one of the old men. He meditated on it, and said: "I will go in a few days." And then his mind suggested: "Suppose he dies during the next few days, what will you do?" "I will go now and talk with him, because it is summer time." And again he thought: "No, it is not the proper time yet." Then he said: "It will be time when you have cut the reeds for the mats." And he said: "I will spread out these palm-leaves and then go." Then he said: "But today it is fine weather."

So he rose, left his pile of palms, took his cloak, and went out. But nearby was another old man, a man of prophetic vision. When he saw the brother hurrying out, he called to him: "Prisoner, prisoner, where are you running to? Come here to me." He came: and the old man said to him: "Go back to your cell." The brother described to him the ups and downs and indecisions of his his mind, and then went back to his cell. And as soon as he entered it, he fell down and did penance. And suddenly the demons shrieked aloud: "You have conquered us, monk, you have conquered us." And the mat on which he lay was singed as though by fire, and the demons vanished away like smoke; and the brother learnt their wiles. (source: The Desert Fathers XI.51)

This passage came up at the Contemplative Eucharist this morning. I can relate.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit ill. I've been fighting a low-grade respiratory something for a few days now. Not pleasant. Cough and aches. No fun. And yet I have several things I want to do today.

My spiritual teachers would tell me that these kinds of bugs are not accidental. No doubt it is trying to "tell me" something. The Desert Fathers would no doubt say that such a demon is caused by grief, or some such thing.

Is it a coincidence that I interred the ashes of a parishioner on Monday or that 3 brothers have died in the span of five months in the Order of the Holy Cross? Death seems to be lurking around right now. Even the plants are affected: last night I picked the last of the peppers ahead of the first freeze in the back yard.

That's weird: even as I was writing this blog entry I got an e-mail from the diocese notifying me that a Deaconess whom I never met died. The funeral is on Friday.

Hmmm.
-t