The "Orthos"

Orthodoxy: Right Belief
Orthopraxis: Right Practice
Orthopathy: Right feeling

Lately I've been noting how the standard evangelical emphasis on Orthodoxy as the way to faith makes me uncomfortable. I have colleagues who seem to think that the primary method to bring people to God is to educate them. As though if they knew more about Jesus, they would naturally want to follow Him. Thus, they spend a lot of time in a basically pedagogical mode: it's all about the teaching. Maybe; maybe not. Often the impact of teaching people about Jesus is that come to the conclusion that "Jesus was a really cool guy," but the essential claims that Christianity makes about his divinity or the implications of his death/resurrection fall flat.

I mean, why would someone want to be a Christian when they could be a Jedi? As long as we compete on historical or purely philosophical grounds we will conceding far too much ground. Yes, there are historical and philosophical claims being made by our faith (and ethical ones, for that matter), but there are lots of other perfectly reasonable belief systems out there grounded in good history and philosophy. So why would we want to fight in that particular ditch? Two possible alternatives are stake a claim in relational space or existential space. That is, "Become Christian because you are one of us" or "Become a Christian because the poetry of our faith resonates with the deepest chords of your soul."

This impulse to focus on pedagogy and orthodoxy comes from the other side of the lay-ordained dynamic as well: many people assume that the next step in their spiritual journey is a "Bible Study" and talk about their desire to know more about God. They tell me how much they admire this preacher or that one for teaching them something new. I've listened to some of these preachers and been frankly disappointed. A good example would be Bruxy Cavey, who often borders on being intellectually dishonest for the sake of clarity and homiletic impact. (Case-in-point: Listen to his preaching on Just War Theory and you'd think nothing had happened in theological ethics since Augustine).

I think that a more holistic approach is necessary, and that approaches that spend too much time on the "teaching" part are problematic because of the inherent materialism of such an approach. I'm sorry, but I don't think there is such a thing as "Five Biblical Principals for a Happier Life." Maybe being a faithful person means your life will be less happy! This version of Christianity gives an illusion of control and sometimes borders on Gnosticism. The worst excesses show up in something like the ridiculous "Prayer of Jabez" fad.

Even in the case of doctrines which are not false, getting people to intellectually assent to set a doctrines (no matter how true or insightful they might be) is rarely transformative. Consider the many people who gain great insight about their problems in therapy, and yet are unable to heal them! Right-belief is important, of course, but goes hand-in-hand with the other "Orthos": practice and feeling.

Here is a good example of what I mean. I commonly encounter people who come to church because they feel anxious, lonely, or otherwise in a state of existential distress. In my opinion and experience, there is much nothing you can teach them that will change that feeling. You can tell them about how God loves them and care for them. You can point to the various passages of scripture in which God tells us that worrying is pointless and un-holy. In all likelihood you are going to make things worse because now their presenting distress is compounded with guilt--"If I only really had faith in God's love for me, I wouldn't worry so much."

Now, check out a possible alternative. Here is Ian Mobsby from the Moot Community in London talking us through the "Welcome Prayer."


This is good stuff. And I've taught something very much like this technique for years. But it doesn't give an "answer" is just a practice designed to engage a feeling. But it is holy, right, and helpful. So how come I'm not seeing more of this kind of stuff among my Fresh Expressions/Church Planting/Evagelical friends?


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It Never Gets Old

Those that read this blog regularly know about the Contemplative Eucharists that I do on Wednesday mornings (and now, also on Saturday afternoons). It's basically just a Communion service done in a contemplative style. Lots of silence and meditation. Over time it has evolved. Now I have a regular group of four people who come almost every week. I've also moved away from a set text and now do all the prayers (including the Eucharistic prayers) extemporaneously.

I could write a whole essay (or even a book) about the "how" and "why" of praying the Eucharistic off-the-cuff. Certainly it's not something I would recommend to just anybody, it takes a lot of preparation and discipline to do with the integrity. But there is an ancient precedent for this sort of prayer in the Mozarabic Rite. Also keep in mind that this is not something I do on Sunday mornings and I have the permission of the Bishop. The final ingredient is a community of worshippers who are sophisticated enough in their theology and well formed enough in their spirituality to make this work.

And when it works... it's gorgeous. This morning was one of those mornings when I think we all felt blessed by the presence of the Holy Spirit. After doing the liturgy we spent some time talking, as is our custom. The topic was the Gospel text for the day--Jesus talking about how he has come to fulfil, not abolish, the law. From that we started talking about the freedom we have in Christ and the discipline of living a holy life. It was beautiful.

It occurred to me, afterwards, that building up this little service for four people has required a lot of discipline from me. I've had to show up every Wednesday for years to make this happen. And the spiritual rewards for that work are beyond value, as far as I am concerned.

It's a classic pattern of ministry, and has taught me an important lesson about priest-craft. Gathering and building up a community of disciples of Jesus takes time and the wilingness to show up, week after week, even when the ground seems dry and unyielding. Forget about quick fixes and rejoice in small blessings.

I'm going to Canterbury Cathedral this summer for a retreat. I'm thinking that I should add a few days to the trip to see if I can find some little groups of Christ-followers that have stories of faithfulness I can bring back to Toronto.

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A Good Day for Prayer

Today was a good day for prayer. It started off with the usual Saturday morning brunch date with Betsy. We went to a new place for us--Ezra's Pound. It's a coffee shop in our neighbourhood (on Dupont, next to the LCBO). Betsy strapped the BabyBjörn onto me--and then put Henry into it. I must admit, I've been slightly suspicious of the BabyBjörn, preferring the simplicity and closeness of the sling. But the nice thing about the BabyBjörn is that Henry can face outwards at the world. And these days he likes to see what's going on when he's awake. As we walked down the street I found that the BabyBjörn worked well. Comfortable for both father and son.

At Ezra's Pound I realized that I really like coffee shops and should spend more time at places like this. The coffee was excellent--far better than Starbucks. And I appreciated that all the food items were homemade. The strawberry jam was excellent, and so was the bread that came with it. The people that run that place choose to do a few things with excellence rather than fill the menu board with resold Aramark crap. I would recommend this place to any foodies out there! Looking around, I couldn't help thinking about what kind of ministry partnerships it might be possible to create.

After walking Henry and Betsy home, I went to the church for the usual Saturday block of services. I admit that I set up the Contemplative Eucharist feeling a little discouraged about it. I was thinking that I may need to cancel it if I don't start getting more people. I resolved to keep it going until Easter and then shut it down if I haven't attracted a regular congregation. Then I said some prayers that God might send me some new people to that service.

Wouldn't you know... two new people showed up! That made for four of us. I was pleased as punch. I know, some of my colleagues might scoff at a mere 2 new people. But for churches like mine that is precious fruit! We had a wonderful Eucharist and some interesting conversation afterwards. Sweet. The two new folks decided to stay for the Healing Prayer service, as well.

After that I did a session of pastoral counselling. We both decided we needed a little break from the depth work we've been doing, so we spent most of the session reading Psalm 119 together. I noticed as I was reading the odd number verses that each verse seemed to carry a lot of meaning for me. Sometimes the Psalms just resonate, you know? I found myself wishing that I was chanting them rather than just reading them. I thought about times that I've read through the entire psalter in one sitting as a devotional exercise. The last time was probably the all-night vigil I kept before my ordination. I should do that again, sometime.

After the Psalm we prayed together, and I found that it was easy today to be very present to the spirit of prayer. I'm often called on to pray for people and the degree to which I am "into it" can vary depending on many things. But today I was right into it. Saying the psalm and having the Contemplative Eucharist earlier in the day probably helped.

Prayer is mysterious like that. Sometimes it can come so easily and with such power and beauty. Other times it can seem dry. Today someone told me about how Thomas Keating said that scripture sometimes tastes "like straw." I knew what he meant immediately. It's like when a monk says he goes to the Offices "because the bell rings." There is an emptiness there in the discipline of spiritual practice which one encounters in the spiritually-engaged life. It's a good thing. It's the novice that prays or reads scripture because it is rewarding or edifying. It takes a real friend of God to show up when it ain't so fun!

Me, I'm happy to survive on occasional "consolations of the spirit" like today. I can survive just fine on the "memory of Divine Favour" (as St. Bernard puts it). Other people have a different spiritual temperament, naturally, I'm just speaking for myself.

This reminds me of my absolute favourite story from the Desert Fathers and Mothers:

Abba Lot went to see Abba Joseph and he said to him, "Abba, as far as I can, I say my little office, I fast a little, I pray and meditate, I live in peace and as far as I can I purify my thoughts. What else can I do?" Then the old man stood up and stretched his hands toward heaven; his fingers became like ten lamps of fire and he said to him, "If you will, you can become all flame."

Thinking on these things makes me miss Mary Gates. She was my therapist back in Connecticut. She was also a priest and had been a student of Thomas Keating once upon a time. Mary would sit on her rocking chair. I would lie down on the couch and stare out into her big garden through the plate glass window. Mary is a wise woman.

I think Mary would shrug if I told her about this. "What did you expect prayer to be like?" she might quip. Just so.

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Extemporaneous Eucharistic Prayers

Of course I'm a liturgy nerd. I care a great deal about what we pray and how we pray. Like many Episcopal Priests, I was "raised" to think that great precision is required when praying the Eucharistic Prayer. God help you (literally) if you say it wrong. The magic won't happen! Jesus will flee your feast!

So I find it impressive when people can extemporaneously pray the Eucharistic prayers and hit all the right points. There is an ancient precedent for this: the Mozarabic Rite. It requires a deep understanding, in my humble opinion, of the Eucharistic prayers to do it well, but it is certainly within the capacity of most priests who put their mind to it. The so-called Rite III liturgy in the American Prayerbook (1979 BCP 402ff) gives the presiding priest great discretion in how the Eucharistic Prayer is to be said, but still specifies the words for the Institution Narrative and a few other parts. Of course, the Rite III rubrics insist that it should not be used during the principal Sunday service of the community.

Certainly doing a Eucharistic Prayer off-the-cuff is stretching the bounds of what is "Anglican"--but that's perhaps what interests me about it. I see great potential for relational liturgy in the immediacy of such a prayer. It's the same principle as what happens when one learns to preach without notes or improvise of the organ.

I happen to enjoy broad episcopal permission when it comes the Contemplative Eucharists that I do on Wednesday morning and Saturday afternoon. Further, the Archbishop has told us (priests) that we "have the keys to the family car--just don't wreck it." So in that spirit I've been trying my hand at extemporaneous eucharistic prayers at my Contemplative Eucharists. The group that comes appreciates it. I find that it requires even more concentration and preparation than what I used before, which is even more than what it required to a regular BCP/BAS Mass!

To prepare for it, I think you need a couple of years of saying the Eucharist out of the prayerbooks. To this end, saying the daily masses at St. Mary Magdalene's was great training. It's like the 10,000 hours concept of Malcome Gladwell--you need to spend about 10,000 hours saying the Mass to master it. Maybe I haven't wracked up that much time, perhaps I've got about 3 or 4 thousand hours, though? You should have a few of rites basically memorized from repetition.

Then, you need to have a real command over the different parts of the Eucharistic prayers. You need to know what they are and why they are there.

Next, and perhaps most importantly, you need to be right with your personal sacramental prayer life. I mean that you need to be really confident in your own skin as a priest doing the thing priests do. So... that's my advice about that.

Now, here is an example of Rick Fabian (best known from St. Gregory of Nyssa fame) presiding at the Eucharist that ended our Music That Makes Community Conference in Atlanta a few months ago. Note that both the words and the music were made-up on the spot. We sing a Sanctus at the end in a paperless-style, but it wasn't our first time hearing/singing that particular song.


Now, there is a lot of craft in doing this well. For one thing, notice that Rick has a particular pattern in mind for how is going to chant the text. He is basically going up and a down a scale. Also, he has an idea in his head of the shape of the eucharistic prayers. He knows where is beginning from and where he is ending. He also knows some of the points he wants to hit along the way: thanksgiving for creation, rehearsing salvation history, the institution narrative, the epiclesis, etc.

BTW, I like the way Rick says "whores." It's a nice, sharp moment in the flow of the prayer.

I was never taught how to pray this way. I wasn't ready for it in seminary, anyway. These are advanced teachings. But it's definitely worth sharing because the spiritual results can be breath taking!

-t

Home

It was a brief but nice stay in New Jersey. My mom had some of her friends over for a baby shower in our honour. My sister, brother-in-law, and their son were able to make it over from Manhattan. My other sister and her family, however, were unable to make it due to illness. Betsy and I received some nice gifts, including a "Moses Basket" that will go great in my office. There we some baby clothes, too, and a nice go-bag for daddy.

It was important to me to go to St. John's on Sunday. This is my "home" parish--the one that sponsored me for ordination some years ago. Right now they have a priest-in-charge while they figure out whether they can afford a full-time Rector. Like many parishes, they are dealing with the fact that the neighbourhood has changed dramatically since the parish was founded in the 1850's by British immigrants brought in to work the mines. These days Dover, the town, is largely spanish-speaking. The previous Rector, Maggie, established a spanish language service in the afternoon, but it is not yet self-sustaining financially.

My mom had told the priest-in-charge that I would be coming on Sunday morning, but I didn't plan or wearing a collar or participating in the service except as a parishioner. I wore my Utilikilt and a white oxford with the sleeves rolled up. Needless to say, I was the most comfortable person sitting in that unairconditioned old building! At the peace Fr. John asked whether I wanted to come to the chancel. I agreed and went up, assuming that I just be a communion minister distributing the sacraments. As we got to the altar he said, "you do the wine and I'll do the bread?"

"Sure," I said, still thinking about distributing them.

"Ok, in that case I'll say the prayers from the Sursum Corda through the words of institution for the bread, and then you can take it from there to the Lord's Prayer."

"Oh!" now it struck me that he wanted to me co-celebrate with him. I excused myself momentarily to go to the sacristy to get a stole. I'm sure I looked kind of odd in my white oxford, gray kilt, sandals, and green stole! Oh, well!

As it happened, Fr. John was using "Rite I Holy Eucharist"--which my Canadian parishioners would recognize as being similar, but not the same, as the 1929 Prayerbook. I haven't said this Rite in probably 6 years! Remarkably, however, it was still in my head. I was able to read through the difficult Elizabethan style language with hardly a trip. All the while I kept thinking about Rowan Greer in seminary and trying to remember the manual gestures he would do with this prayer.

I've never done co-celebration like this. The usual pattern is more like "concelebration" in which the Assisting priests join the Presider in saying the words of institution in unison. We used to do this at St. Mary Magdalene's, for example. I'd have to check with my liturgy wonk friends about the pros and cons of the two styles.

Interestingly, the choreography at the altar was very smooth. Fr. John pointed to the text so I wouldn't loose my place (a very nice courtesy for the Presider), and when we switched off being in front of the altar it was quick and smooth. And the more conservative liturgy minds out there will appreciate that St. John's uses an East-facing (priest's back to the people) altar. After the service people said they really appreciated seeing me celebrate. It was special for me, too.

Bede came down from the monastery. He has known my family for a long time, so he enjoyed catching up with my mom. He headed off to New York after visiting with us to see two of the brothers that live there.

On Tuesday I packed the car (fitting the shower gifts in meant unpacking everything and then repacking it). Eight hour drive from NJ to Toronto. I talked my way through the border without much fuss. The house was in good shape. Our housesitters did a good job of cleaning it in anticipation. The tomatoes on the back deck are almost ready for picking. My kitties we a little confused, but glad to see me.

Pizza for dinner. Fitful sleep (indigestion from eating beef jerky for lunch?). Got up early for the Contemplative Eucharist this morning.

Here is a wonder: my Contemplative Eucharist service has grown substantially in my absence! I had asked Anne Croswaith to do the service this last month and I'm really glad I did. Suddenly that service grew from three or four to seven or eight! Most of the new people are from a particular Centering Prayer group that has heard of what I'm doing. I'm very pleased to have them.

Today I've set up my computer again and am just settling in to answering e-mails and taking care of urgent projects. This PM I'll pick up Betsy from the airport.

Feels good to be back!

-t

Canada Day

Started my Canada day saying Mass. There was another first-time visitor. My, my, that service seems to be suddenly growing, now, little by little. All the more reason not to suspend it while I'm away. Right now I'm trying to find the right priest to do it for me while I'm away.

after that was the usual e-mail and errands, then a lunch meeting with the Stewardship Committee. it was a very enjoyable time, actually, sitting on the deck of my favourite pub and talking about a lot of things beyond the stewardship campaign. Back to the church for a little while and then sailing.

The wind was light, so the sailing was far from nail biting, but it was pleasant weather to be on a boat in the Inner Harbour. Lots of other people had similar ideas about how to spend the holiday.

I really missed Betsy last night and today. Hard to believe I won't see her again until mid-August! She seems to be enjoying her programme in Athens, though.

Incidentally, for my birthday (coming up on Friday) someone gave me the equivalent of a gift certificate to buy a kit to put together my own tube amplifier. I've been wanting to take on a project like this for a long time, so I'm really looking forward to creating the sort of pure amp that audiophiles dream about. It's going to require learning a lot of new things, which is part of the point!

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A Feature about COTM

Many weeks ago Henrieta Paukov, who writes for the Anglican among other responsibilities, came by to check out the Contemplative Eucharist and ask me about some of the other projects we've started here at Church of The Messiah. It was nice to be able to share some of the excitement about the ministries we've started.

Incidentally, we've added a new regular to the Contemplative Eucharist group. That means I have about four regulars and a couple of people who come only occasionally. Perhaps this article will generate some more interest. I've also been thinking about adding another time for the service--perhaps on Saturdays before or after the Healing Prayer Service.

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Contemplative Eucharist Flyer--Constructive Feedback?

I've been working on a flyer today to publicize the Contemplative Eucharist. I know a lot of people who read this blog have design sense/training. Here is a PDF version. I also tried a legal-sized format which allows the text at the bottom to be spread out a little more vertically. I was trying to be a bit more funky in this design. Thoughts?

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Contemplative Fire part 1

I spent Thursday afternoon/evening and all day Friday at a "Contemplative Fire" retreat being held at St. Paul's, Bloor Street. Contemplative Fire is a movement that has emerged in England out of the Fresh Expressions renewal they are experiencing in the Church of England. Contemplative Fire itself is interesting is exploring the contemplative path of Christianity with people using meditation, body prayer, lectio divina, liturgy, and other techniques. It's more broad than many similar movements (like Centering Prayer) and more comprehensive. "Companions on the Way" of Contemplative Fire join small groups that meet on an on going basis for listening, prayer, and discernment. In all of this I heard the echos and synthesis of dozens of different methods and techniques that have been floating around church circles for many years. The unique thing here is that they are being taken back to the mainstream Christian experience and made more accessible by being packaged together into a whole experience.

The leader of this retreat (actually, more of a "time apart" since we all went home Thursday night and returned in the morning) was Philip Roderick. (You can read his blog here, btw.) Philip is a very gentle guy with a contemplative heart and skillful at leading these kinds of events. What I especially appreciated was his willingness to let things develop spontaneously. There was much less planning of, say, the liturgy than you might expect. This would have driven some folks I know crazy, but we had broad outlines as various pieces and it all worked out just fine. Personally, I like worshipping in that style!

One of the pleasant surprises was the music. At several points in the event Philip led the group in simple chants. Sometimes this meant singing along to pre-recorded music. Other times he led us a cappella or using a Djebe (borrowed from COTM) or even with a Hang Drum.

Never heard of a Hang? Me either. It's a very rare instrument related to the steel drum. Unlike the steel drum, however, it is played with the hands and can make music in other ways than simple percussion. For example, drawing you finger along it can make it ring like a Tibetan Singing Bowl. Touching or thumping different areas produce different notes along a single scale (in this Philip's case, Dorian). Very cool. I recommend this you tube demo of this unique instrument:


So imagine your meditation leader using something like this to create contemplative worship!

Personally, my "time apart" was rewarding. Someone asked me "is it working?" I replied, "I'm not sure how I would talk about whether prayer was 'working.' But if you mean, 'are you having a good-feeling of God's presence,' I would say that I haven't had any big epiphanies, but lots of small consolations. And small consolations are all I need these days." So I'm glad I went and also glad that I took part in some of the planning and execution. I hope that there are more events like this in the future.

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Noticing

Note the words on the embroidered cushions: "Then Moses said, 'I must turn aside and look at this.'"

At this morning's Contemplative Eucharist I was struck, again, by how much that service can change week-to-week. This morning I noticed (and then let go of) the fact that my voice was calmer and softer and the words came easier than usual. Someone commented afterwards that it felt "graceful" to him. I also noted that after I received Eucharist my body seemed to feel different. I've noticed this before, but I'm not sure to what degree this is simply a by product of eating and drinking that I simply have never noticed before, or whether it is something related to the special properties of the sacrament. I'm also not sure that this peculiarly Western and Modern kind of inquiry about the cause of the feeling is particularly useful. The simple fact is that when I consume the sacrament I feel a change in my body (if I'm ready to notice it, that is).

Incidentally, the Bishop approved continuing to use this experimental rite when I saw him last week. So I think in Advent I may offer it on Saturdays or some other time more convenient to working folks.

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A Desert Fathers Morning

A brother collected palm-leaves in his cell. And as soon as he sat down to plait them, his mind suggested he should go visit one of the old men. He meditated on it, and said: "I will go in a few days." And then his mind suggested: "Suppose he dies during the next few days, what will you do?" "I will go now and talk with him, because it is summer time." And again he thought: "No, it is not the proper time yet." Then he said: "It will be time when you have cut the reeds for the mats." And he said: "I will spread out these palm-leaves and then go." Then he said: "But today it is fine weather."

So he rose, left his pile of palms, took his cloak, and went out. But nearby was another old man, a man of prophetic vision. When he saw the brother hurrying out, he called to him: "Prisoner, prisoner, where are you running to? Come here to me." He came: and the old man said to him: "Go back to your cell." The brother described to him the ups and downs and indecisions of his his mind, and then went back to his cell. And as soon as he entered it, he fell down and did penance. And suddenly the demons shrieked aloud: "You have conquered us, monk, you have conquered us." And the mat on which he lay was singed as though by fire, and the demons vanished away like smoke; and the brother learnt their wiles. (source: The Desert Fathers XI.51)

This passage came up at the Contemplative Eucharist this morning. I can relate.

I woke up this morning feeling a bit ill. I've been fighting a low-grade respiratory something for a few days now. Not pleasant. Cough and aches. No fun. And yet I have several things I want to do today.

My spiritual teachers would tell me that these kinds of bugs are not accidental. No doubt it is trying to "tell me" something. The Desert Fathers would no doubt say that such a demon is caused by grief, or some such thing.

Is it a coincidence that I interred the ashes of a parishioner on Monday or that 3 brothers have died in the span of five months in the Order of the Holy Cross? Death seems to be lurking around right now. Even the plants are affected: last night I picked the last of the peppers ahead of the first freeze in the back yard.

That's weird: even as I was writing this blog entry I got an e-mail from the diocese notifying me that a Deaconess whom I never met died. The funeral is on Friday.

Hmmm.
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Liturgy and The Cloud of Unknowing

I'm very proud of the Contemplative Eucharist that we do on Wednesday mornings. It's a very special achievement to have gotten that baby off the ground. And now that it's gaining more momentum I'm beginning to see even more potential.

Margo Sawyer - Cloud of Unknowing, 2005
With the encouragement of my staff I've been gradually adding a bit more instruction and discussion at the end of it. Last week we talked about The Cloud of Unknowing--a 14th Century manual for contemplative spirituality. So this week I brought my copy and read the group a paragraph taken from random:

In this way you can see that we must concentrate our whole attention on this lowly movement of love in our will. To all other forms of sweetness or consolation, however pleasant or holy (if we be allowed to put it in this way) we should show a sort of indifference. If they come, welcome them; but do not depend on them, because they are weakening things; it takes too much out of you to stay for long in such sweet feelings and tears. And you may even be tempted to love God for the sake of having them. You will know if this is so by seeing whether you complain unduly when they are absent. And if you do, your love is not yet pure or perfect. For a love that is pure and perfect, though it admits that the body is sustained and consoled when such sweet feelings or tears are present, does not complain when they are missing, but is really pleased not to have them, if it is the will of God. And yet in some people contemplation is normally accompanied by consolations of this sort, while there are others who have such sweetness and comfort but seldom. (The Cloud of Unknowing, Chapter 50, Paragraph 1, Trans. Clifton Wolters)

So many people come to religion for an experience--yet if you strive for a more perfect love you must cultivate a "kind of indifference" to the consolations and sweet feelings that occasionally come with the spiritual life. I think of liturgies that are specifically designed to manipulate people emotionally in order to give them a feeling of catharsis by the end. The Contemplative Tradition teaches that such worship draws us further from God in that our faith becomes depending on what get out of it, emotionally. If you would have perfect love, then you must accept whatever spirituality presents itself in this moment, right now, and not lust after something else. It's a fantastically powerfully teaching that few are really to hear.

The bishop only gave me permission to do the Contemplative Eucharist until All Saints' (Nov. 1st). I'm hoping he will renew permission after that, but it's possible he may not. If he refuses I'll be upset, of course, and I'll argue vigorously on behalf of this group. But the System I'm a part of doesn't care for innovation, and that's a reality I have to accept, as well. So I'll have to write a letter to the bishop soon to plead for group to continue. Stay tuned...

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Intensity

Kind of intense day spiritually. The Contemplative Eucharist had unusually deep silences. As usual with meditation and contemplative practice the key is to observe without judging, so my observation is simply that the silences felt deeper and more peaceful even than usual. I wonder whether the fact that this group is settling into a way of being together on Wednesday mornings is a factor. That is, the novelty is wearing off and the real work of sitting has begun.

Then there was an intense pastoral care session with a person experiencing acute grief. I'm pretty experienced helping people process grief, but it doesn't make it any easier on my end, since in order to do that work it is necessary to go to the grief place oneself.

And now it's only time for lunch! Wow.

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The Unbusy Pastor

Another really busy day. Tuesday night I didn't get home until 10 pm thanks to an exhausting but important Parish Council Meeting. That made it a 13 hour day. Yikes. I don't want to be doing too many of those.

I'm really glad I reconstituted the Parish Council when I came to COTM--it accomplishes a bunch of things. First, it gives me a forum to reflect on issues affecting the congregation with more voices at the table than I get when I meet with the staff or the Corporation. Second, the increased diversity of opinions is useful to help correct the bias otherwise inherit in the role of staff or Warden. In other words, I get to hear from people that aren't in a position of power and responsibility in the church. Third, it helps widen the circle of people informed about some of the projects and concerns ongoing here. Fourth, it is a decent incubator for congregational leadership. And last night's meeting fulfilled all those roles. I went away from it feeling like I had a much better grasp on what's actually happening at COTM. It definitely took my insight about certain key dynamics to a new level. So three cheers for the Parish Council!

I couldn't sleep in today as flex time, however, as I had my Contemplative Eucharist to Celebrate. That service is really flourishing. For a while I was practicing being non-anxious about whether it would be sustainable and about whether anybody would come, etc. And yet without really trying hard to promote it I have a nice little group of folks that consistently come. I'm thinking about adding another service and perhaps tacking on a time for instruction on Christian meditation or contemplation. When I told my staff that I wasn't sure I was qualified to teach these things, they teased me mercilessly, so I guess I better just shut up and teach.

After that it was back-to-back meetings through lunch and into the afternoon. One of these was with the Parish Architect. It was a good meeting which produced some solid steps forward. We know what to do next to keep the plans developing.

Only then was I really able to sit down and do e-mail and correspondence. Fingers in many pies. I'm trying to get the lights fixed and the sound system fixed and give helpful feedback about the nascent confirmation program, etc., etc. I'm glad I started the day with some serious meditation!

I'm supposed to go to another meeting that starts in an hour. But it's already 6:30 and I can't imagine doing another 13 hour day. So I think I'm going to pull a Eugene Peterson:

"Yes, but how?" The appointment calendar is the tool with which to get unbusy. It's a gift of the Holy Ghost (unlisted by St. Paul, but a gift nonetheless) that provides the pastor with the means to get time and acquire leisure for praying, preaching, and listening. It is more effective than a protective secretary; it is less expensive than a retreat house. It is the one thing everyone in our society accepts without cavil as authoritative. The authority once given to Scripture is now ascribed to the appointment calendar. The dogma of verbal inerrancy has not been discarded, only re-assigned. When I appeal to my appointment calendar, I am beyond criticism.... (The Contemplative Pastor, Page 22)

A lesson I must hear again and again to get right. Someone at Council last night challenged me with this gem: "Tay, surely there are piles of books written for Pastors about how to drop stuff." True, that.

-t

Today's Prayers

The first trial of the Contemplative Eucharist went very well. I only had one person there ("and all the angels" as we used to say at St. Mary Magdalene's)--but that's fine. I might start advertising it at some point, but I'm content for the moment. My experience with meditation groups is that they are best developed organically over time.

And "time" is the other issue. We say this Mass at 8:30 A.M. on Wednesdays. It's possible I might get better attendance at the lunch hour or even in the afternoon. Something to think about.

I decided to follow Bishop Yu's suggestion and use the more conventional form of the Sursum Corda. It has the advantage of being memorized by most church-goers. The ventilated Eucharistic Prayer worked MUCH better for this liturgy than any of the prayers in the BAS, but it definitely requires a lot of spiritual discipline on the part of the Presider. This is not the sort of liturgy where you can cruise through on auto-pilot, that's for sure. I think I'll get better at it with familiarity.



Here's how I set up. We sit on cushions on the floor in a circle around an altar made from a ceramic tile with a corporal over it. The patten and chalice set were a gift from my mother--she picked them up in France. Note the Tibetan bell for marking the end of silences. On the little shelf structure is a diptych of Mary with Child on one pannel and Christ on the other. A single candle burns in front of it. To it's side is a small incense pot with a hot coal. Under it is a bowl with Holy Cross Incense, of course.

After Communion I did some e-mail, had some coffee, and then said Morning Prayer. Now that I'm by myself I can really cater the Office to my needs. I usually sing most of it (it's good practice and it just feels better to chant it). And today I incorporated the Holy Spirit Litany from St. Augustine's Prayerbook. This little book of devotions, BTW, is a great place to find little devotions and prayers to say when you want to spend quality time with God. Anyway, since I had the time I also read, as part of the Office, both the long and short versions of Marie de l'Incarnation biography found in Fr. Reynold's helpful book--For All the Saints. Today is Marie's day on the Calendar, so this was a right and proper thing to do for her. Sometimes I just really love praying, I must say. I guess I chose the right profession.

-t

Contemplative Eucharist Approved for Trial...

As regular readers know, since coming to COTM I've been developing a "Contemplative Eucharist" for use with a very small congregation that gathers on Wednesday mornings. That group expressed interest in meditation and contemplative practice, so it was natural to find ways to adapt the Holy Eucharist to this style. Initially, that meant stripping down the BAS Eucharistic Rite to it's bare essentials, but I've been wanting to take it further.

A while back I posted a request for advice on the APLM Listserve. What came from that was some very encouraging and helpful suggestions. I also read a few articles and talked to few other experts. Finally, I asked for permission from the Bishop and he gave me permission to try the rite until All Saints, at which point he wants a report on how it went.

In many ways I've got the example of the so-called "Rite III" Liturgy in the American BCP ('79) in mind: it provides an outline for the Mass with the barest essentials. The rubrics specifically say that this Rite is not for use at the principal Sunday service and that it requires careful preparation. So it is with the Rite I've been developing. Here's what it looks like so far (and special thanks to Fr. Juan Oliver and the other participants in this discussion).

Please note: this is NOT a generally "authorized" Rite of the Anglican Church of Canada. I've got special permission for trial use. I do not want the Bishop to call me into his office for encouraging people to flout the rules, ¿entiendes lo que quiero decir?

GATHERING RITE:
(Extemporaneous, short bidding prayer invoking God's presence.)
(Silence ended with bell.)

PROCLAMATION OF THE WORD:
(Gospel reading from the Daily Eucharistic Lectionary)
(Silence ended with bell)
(Bidding to pray for the church, the world, and ourselves)
(Silence ended with bell)
(The Peace is exchanged in the usual fashion)
(Bread and Wine are placed on the corporal after a silent thanksgiving prayer by the Presider)

CELEBRATION OF THE EUCHARIST:
P: God is with you
A: And with you
(brief silence)
P: Hearts above
A: They are with God
(brief silence)
P: Give Thanks
A: Right and Just
(brief silence)

PRAISE
P: Praise the Source of Life and the Word eternal, and the Spirit renewing the earth.
P: God Creates. God heals, God makes holy.

WONDERFUL WORKS OF GOD
P: We specially thank and praise God today for ____ (extemporaneous praise relating to the day, season or readings)

WORDS OF INSTITUTION
(The vessels are at least touched at the corresponding parts of the narrative)
P: On the night of his arrest, Jesus took bread, broke it and shared it as he said, “Take, eat: this is my Body. Do this to remember me.”
(brief silence)
also the cup, sharing it saying “Drink this, for this is my blood spilled for all. Do this to remember me.”
(brief silence)

REMEMBRANCE
P: We Remember the arrest, the torture, the cross; we remember the tomb, the glorification, the Spirit, birthing a People.

INVOCATION OF THE SPIRIT
P: Source of Life, send your Word and Spirit on these offerings and on us, to be the Body and Blood of Christ.

DOXOLOGY
P We join the whole Universe in praise and thanks to the Source, the Word, the Spirit.

OUR FATHER
(Fraction in silence)
(Communion in silence)

SENDING FORTH
(Silence ended with bell)
(Presider prays extemporaneous post-communion prayer)

P: Let us Bless the Lord.
A: Thanks be to God.

How's that? What do you all think? I think it's a great start. Interestingly, one of the versions of a "Contemplative Eucharist" that I found (written by Aloysius Pieris, SJ) was even less wordy. Yet I'm not sure I can go quite that far in a parish setting (versus, say, a retreat group or a monastic group).

-t

Bede on Holy Week

I commend Bede's blog to you for an account of the Triduum Services at Holy Cross this year. Here's one of the fine moments in that story:

Early in the meal I turned around to get some page of the Liturgy that I needed and there was the full moon - the Paschal Moon - rising over the River. I stopped and looked at it for a while. To my left was a young woman whom we have known, along with all of her family, for many years, and she said quietly: "One of my earliest memories is of seeing the full moon through that window." And I thought: "Oh, my." I have been here for a lot of years, but I was a well-formed adult when I came here. I just thought for a while what it would be like to have always had this place in your consciousness. What does it mean to a life if one of the first things you remember is the moon through the Monastery window? I had a moment of very deep gratitude for being able to carry someone through life like that. (source)

Bede has a remarkable way of being present and available to the moment. I once asked him how that could be maintained "in the world," and he said that it is very difficult to maintain outside of monastic community, but it has been done. It seems that the people that we know capable of maintaining this kind of sensitivity are very disciplined meditators.

This morning at our contemplative Eucharist I had a thought about this. I think much of the talk about meditation is really unnecessary. I'm not even a huge fan of giving much instruction to guide novices as they sit. I think the real key is simply sitting down with the intention to be aware. The preconceived notions of what that awareness will feel or look like--descriptions passed down to us from teacher to student about about non-attachment to passing thoughts and so forth--ought to be self-evident from the practice. "Don't just do something: Sit there!"

My contemplative heart misses the days when I could just sit and adore God. I'm desperate to get to Holy Cross soon. Yes, I know I could "sit and adore" anywhere, but places, liturgies, and people all have ways of helping me return to my best self.

-t

Prayer

To my delight, today has been more prayerful than usual. It started with a nice Contemplative Eucharist with a few other souls and then moved into Mattins by myself. When all was said and done I had passed about two hours in prayer and meditation without hardly noticing the time. It was one of those times in prayer where I was receiving the "Consolation of the Holy Spirit" as one the great masters said--i.e., I was feeling the presence of God and feeling warm and fuzzy as a result. Alas, this is not something to grasp a hold of or rely upon--the Holy Spirit has a mind of Her own and these kinds of prayer experiences come and go like the wind. I suppose the analogy is that when you are walking to the mailbox to send or receive mail sometimes the walk is more pleasant than at other times. But although you may linger in your walk to the mailbox to look at the pretty spring flowers by the side of the driveway or hurry past snowbanks in the winter, the important thing is that you get the mail!

One curious thing I noticed was during the Prayers of the People. I was holding my mind on a general intention for all the people that I love in the world. As I did so, I became aware that the feeling of my skin was changing, it was like a warmth spread through my skin--very pleasant. Funny how the body responds to prayer; most of the time we are too busy to notice such things.

Lately I've been singing most of the Office, and today was no exception, but this time I did it using the Mattins Office from the OHC Breviary rather than the BAS . Of course, the Breviary Psalter is pointed for chanting, so that made things much easier this morning. Yesterday I used Tone 1.1, so today I went with 1.2 for no particular reason. Just a few years ago chanting the Office by myself would have been very difficult, so now it comes with a nice feeling of accomplishment!

After saying my prayers (and then practicing the Exultet until my voice got tired) I had to do a challenging task. It was easier than I expected, and I couldn't help thinking the mornings prayers had something to do with that. Ah, simple spiritual pleasures!

-t

Eucharists

"TradCom" (Traditional Communion) service this morning. Got even closer to the BCP rubrics than last time. Everyone seemed to like it just fine, though it was hard to sing well with only 10 people. Interesting to note today how totally different I feel presiding at this liturgy than the modern ones--stiffer and more formal for sure, but also quieter in body. That is, less squirmy. Less water more earth. More blue and less red.

I'm totally psyched about doing the contemplative eucharist tomorrow morning. I have my rug, so we can sit of the floor and do it up right. I'm planning to use incense (Holy Cross brand, of course), and my bell. For an altar I'll use a large tile I bought at Home Depot. It's going to be great.

Some people thought that just because I wasn't at an Anglo Catholic parish I wouldn't have weekday services to do. Yeah.... right....

Got to go home, now. Almost time for dinner....

-t

Contemplative Eucharist

The Wednesday Morning Informal Eucharist is morphing into a Contemplative Eucharist--which really seems to suit the spiritual needs of the four of us regulars, anyway. This morning as I did it, I had a nice sustained awareness of my body as I celebrated. I noticed how my heart beat went up as a I spoke. I noticed the tightness in my shoulders and a dull ache in the left part of my chest, etc. During the intercessions (which I led in a free-form way with my eyes closed) there were rapid changes--lots of comings and goings. At one point I had the sensation of colours--especially purple for some reason. Having the liturgy to hold to, though, kept my intentionality centered. This is spiritually the good stuff--nice dark soil. Stay tuned to see where this goes. This morning we speculated about adding another Contemplative Eucharist during the Holy Seasons (Advent and Lent) on Saturdays or some other convenient time.

A thought that occurred to me during all this was about when you find a sense of being rooted or grounded you simply see everything quite differently. It's as though your eyes become wider and you can see more of what you are looking at.

One of the books I really need to read is The Contemplative Pastor by Eugene Peterson. But I think I pretty much know 90% of what he's going to tell me. As with most things, a recipe is much less important than a cultivated connection between hunger and the desire to cook.

A character on the show Northern Exposure was an obsessive chef. He asked his students feverishly, "WHY DO I COOK?" A brave underling ventures, "Because you're hungry?" "Hungry?" he works himself up even more, "Because I'm hungry? ... YES! I cook because I am HUNRGY." So true.

-t