Very early this morning I dropped Betsy off at the airport for her (short) trip to Dallas. She is gone until Wednesday visiting an Art Exhibition along with a gaggle of students from her department (mostly undergrads) and a professor. I have to admit, I was feeling weird by the time I got back, like I was in danger or something. Such a mood can mean many things, including the possibility of some internal shift happening. Often I've found that death-omens portend periods of growth. The same thing can happen in congregations, BTW, that are poised to experience growth and change. Anxiety can be a good thing!
The sun still hadn't risen by the time I got back from the airport, so I went to bed. Many confused dreams. I've been reading Dante's Inferno, and I think some of those images may have invaded my dreams. That's telling, isn't it--a priest dreaming he's in the Sixth Circle watching the heretics burn in their sepulchers! Ominous.
I spent the rest of the day playing with the cats, watching TV, and basically goofing off. Tomorrow will be busy enough.
Hopefully tomorrow I'll finally get around to ordering parts for my computer rebuild. I also have a couple of meetings to attend and a staff meeting and so on. Tuesdays are a busy day.
Incidentally, I've been thinking of buying a PS3. You see, now that I have an HDTV it makes sense to have a Blu-Ray player. And the Sony Playstation 3 can play Blu-Ray discs for the same cost as a standalone player and can also do games and can play all kinds of media content (streaming audio and video, etc) and you even browse the internet with it on your TV. Pretty cool, heh? I don't know, it may need to wait until my birthday.
-t
Monday, February 18, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Lent 2
Today was a good church day. The whole service had a nice feeling about it, and someone commented afterwards that the whole church seems to have a lot of energy and good-feeling right now. I would agree, and experienced that myself as I asked several people about allowing their names to stand for various elected/appointed positions to be filled at next Sunday's Annual Vestry meeting. People want to be involved right now, and that's great.
I was reflecting after everyone left the church and I was putting a few last minute things away that I'm putting my time and energy pretty much exactly where I want them to be going right now. That is, I'm not being distracted much from the work of building up this community, and that's a great thing. As everyday passes I feel more and more on top of things here. Life is good.
-t
I was reflecting after everyone left the church and I was putting a few last minute things away that I'm putting my time and energy pretty much exactly where I want them to be going right now. That is, I'm not being distracted much from the work of building up this community, and that's a great thing. As everyday passes I feel more and more on top of things here. Life is good.
-t
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Whirlpool Bliss
I took a day off from the gym today so that my muscles can recover a bit--man are they sore. After three straight days of intense workouts they've earned a break. After my workout yesterday I took a dip in the whirlpool and was rewarded with a huge rush of endorphin and other natural opiates. It was incredible bliss! I went home, spent some time with Betsy and went to bed early.
Today was mostly about a marathon-length Corporation Meeting. We are getting ready for Vestry and making some other year-end decisions as well as dealing with the regular monthly stuff. It felt like a good meeting--we got a lot done.
My computer is acting kind of funny. I need to order the parts and rebuild it, which I have been meaning to do for sometime. But I know it's going to be a day-long project and I just haven't done it! Once I get it upgraded, I can tackle some of the video editing projects I've had on hold. I also need to get myself in gear to get the COTM website going. It would be nice to have a draft of that up before Vestry, in fact.
-t
Today was mostly about a marathon-length Corporation Meeting. We are getting ready for Vestry and making some other year-end decisions as well as dealing with the regular monthly stuff. It felt like a good meeting--we got a lot done.
My computer is acting kind of funny. I need to order the parts and rebuild it, which I have been meaning to do for sometime. But I know it's going to be a day-long project and I just haven't done it! Once I get it upgraded, I can tackle some of the video editing projects I've had on hold. I also need to get myself in gear to get the COTM website going. It would be nice to have a draft of that up before Vestry, in fact.
-t
Friday, February 15, 2008
Time Out, NY, Reviews Holy Cross
Time Out, NY, recently ran a piece reviewing Holy Cross Monastery. It's kind of a funny article, like most first-timers, the reviewer had an interesting reaction the silences. From the article:
After the best night of sleep that I’ve had in years, an old-school dinner bell announced the 7:30am Saturday breakfast (on Sundays, you’re given 15 more minutes to linger in bed). Hey, sloth is a deadly sin after all, and a bit of discipline never hurt anyone. Served in the brick-appointed, sunlight-filled refectory which overlooks the Hudson River and a glorious Vanderbilt manse, the morning repast falls during the last hours of the Great Silence, so you’ll endure the rare experience of communicating to 14 holy men sporting flannel shirts and jeans via hand gestures while munching on your toast. Though I had difficulty with the chatting restriction, being silent does make you focus on and appreciate such simple pleasures as wholesome, tasty food: I dined on locally-grown arugula, homemade chorizo-topped whole-wheat pizza and chocolate-chip cookies—all prepared by a Culinary Institute of America–trained chef. And if you get ravenous between meals, you can help yourself to a bowl of free fruit. (source)
I know what she means about sleep. I sleep better at the Monastery than anywhere else in the world--something about the dark nights and quiet, I suppose. The lifestyle in the monastery is also so balanced and healthy that they body just seems to say, "Ahhhh."
-t
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Prayer of the Week - Lent 2
Beloved Parishioners,
For Lent this year I have taken on the spiritual commitment to workout regularly at a gym. If the body is a temple for the Holy Spirit, then I'm afraid this temple needs a capital campaign! As I get older I find that I can no longer just rely on my body to take care of itself like it once did.
There was a time when I could eat whatever I wanted without consequence, but those days are gone. Now I find that the spiritual virtues of self-control, abstinence, and faithfulness are required if I want to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
What happened? Is this the mid-life equivalent of the expulsion of Adam and Eve from the garden? We are told that because of man's disobedience, we are fated to work for our lot with perpetual toil and effort. "By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread until you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return" (Genesis 3:19). This seems harsh, but some commentators have pointed out that work is not necessarily a punishment for disobedience, but simply a feature of the new relationship God established between humanity and the earth in response to sin. The new ecology of creation requires us to get a little dirt under our fingernails to keep us honest and humble.
Life has many situations like this: once easy endeavors that require our commitment to maintain. Yet we are hardly more ourselves than when we are engaged in our vocations. Work makes us strong, lively, and engaged. I remember fondly how my grandfather, when he was old, seemed to be "loosing it" at home, but at his law office he was still as sharp and clever as he ever was. Therefore we should take on our commitments as the blessings they are, receiving the curse of long hours at the gym with the blessings of good health and vitality.
In Christ,
Tay
For Lent this year I have taken on the spiritual commitment to workout regularly at a gym. If the body is a temple for the Holy Spirit, then I'm afraid this temple needs a capital campaign! As I get older I find that I can no longer just rely on my body to take care of itself like it once did.
There was a time when I could eat whatever I wanted without consequence, but those days are gone. Now I find that the spiritual virtues of self-control, abstinence, and faithfulness are required if I want to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
What happened? Is this the mid-life equivalent of the expulsion of Adam and Eve from the garden? We are told that because of man's disobedience, we are fated to work for our lot with perpetual toil and effort. "By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread until you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; you are dust, and to dust you shall return" (Genesis 3:19). This seems harsh, but some commentators have pointed out that work is not necessarily a punishment for disobedience, but simply a feature of the new relationship God established between humanity and the earth in response to sin. The new ecology of creation requires us to get a little dirt under our fingernails to keep us honest and humble.
Life has many situations like this: once easy endeavors that require our commitment to maintain. Yet we are hardly more ourselves than when we are engaged in our vocations. Work makes us strong, lively, and engaged. I remember fondly how my grandfather, when he was old, seemed to be "loosing it" at home, but at his law office he was still as sharp and clever as he ever was. Therefore we should take on our commitments as the blessings they are, receiving the curse of long hours at the gym with the blessings of good health and vitality.
Gracious God, you have created us as partners in creation, tasking us with fruitful work that completes our humanity and enriches the world. Help us, we pray, to maintain our commitments with patience and persistence in the face of discouragement and exhaustion. Banish from us all laziness as we seek to perfect ourselves in your image and fill us with courage and fidelity all the days of our lives, through Jesus Christ, our Lord, Amen.
In Christ,
Tay
Developments
I had my first workout at the gym yesterday and man am I sore today--especially in my arms. But I was pleased with my performance on the treadmill and elsewhere. I think this will work out. It's funny, I'm used to college and university gyms (and Dojos)--the gym I just joined is much fancier than that: lots of piles of white fluffy towels around, flat screen TV's in the locker room, new equipment, juice bar, etc.
This morning at Belmont House no one came to the Anglican Communion Service run by COTM. Just at the Chaplain and I decided that this was a sign that it was time to give up doing the service for good, a nice Presbyterian lady showed up. When she heard that she was the only one she went into the hall and grabbed the next person to walk by and convinced her to attend, as well.
Still, it has become clear to Don (the Chaplain) and myself that it's time to re-evaluate Messiah's mid-week service. It seems that the other Anglican churches in our neighborhood (Redeemer, Christ Church Deer Park, etc.) once had midweek chapel services like us, but found them to unsustainable once the people that developed them moved on. It seems that priests like my predecessor were able to build up a following over years of work, and that when they moved on the corresponding service at Belmont simply collapsed. I seem to be suffering the same fate as the other churches. The only mid-week Anglican Communion service still thriving is the one run by Milton Barry (of Grace Church on the Hill). He's the last of that generation of local clergy doing ministry at Belmont House.
But all is not lost. Although the chapel service is struggling, we can still do Communion on the fourth floor (this is where folks with cognitive deficits live). Like Redeemer and Christ Church, we are simply going to drop the chapel Eucharist and continue doing a short service upstairs.
When Don and I decided to drop the mid-week Communion service, I felt disappointed and sad (more than I expected to feel). It's the end of something. So I decided to wrap it up with the two nice ladies in the chapel. Don and I sat down with them and I led an abbreviated morning prayer service. I ended up doing a meditation/homily about love (it is St. Valentine's Day), which they appreciated very much. It seemed fitting to end things on that note.
Today I had a very encouraging meeting with a person working on a cutting edge of children's ministry. I'll be able to talk more about this in a few weeks as it develops, but it looks like I finally have a direction to go with Christian Ed. at COTM. They next key will be hiring the right person to help us develop and implement the vision!
Now I need to write my Prayer of the Week and then get to the gym for today's discipline!
-t
This morning at Belmont House no one came to the Anglican Communion Service run by COTM. Just at the Chaplain and I decided that this was a sign that it was time to give up doing the service for good, a nice Presbyterian lady showed up. When she heard that she was the only one she went into the hall and grabbed the next person to walk by and convinced her to attend, as well.
Still, it has become clear to Don (the Chaplain) and myself that it's time to re-evaluate Messiah's mid-week service. It seems that the other Anglican churches in our neighborhood (Redeemer, Christ Church Deer Park, etc.) once had midweek chapel services like us, but found them to unsustainable once the people that developed them moved on. It seems that priests like my predecessor were able to build up a following over years of work, and that when they moved on the corresponding service at Belmont simply collapsed. I seem to be suffering the same fate as the other churches. The only mid-week Anglican Communion service still thriving is the one run by Milton Barry (of Grace Church on the Hill). He's the last of that generation of local clergy doing ministry at Belmont House.
But all is not lost. Although the chapel service is struggling, we can still do Communion on the fourth floor (this is where folks with cognitive deficits live). Like Redeemer and Christ Church, we are simply going to drop the chapel Eucharist and continue doing a short service upstairs.
When Don and I decided to drop the mid-week Communion service, I felt disappointed and sad (more than I expected to feel). It's the end of something. So I decided to wrap it up with the two nice ladies in the chapel. Don and I sat down with them and I led an abbreviated morning prayer service. I ended up doing a meditation/homily about love (it is St. Valentine's Day), which they appreciated very much. It seemed fitting to end things on that note.
Today I had a very encouraging meeting with a person working on a cutting edge of children's ministry. I'll be able to talk more about this in a few weeks as it develops, but it looks like I finally have a direction to go with Christian Ed. at COTM. They next key will be hiring the right person to help us develop and implement the vision!
Now I need to write my Prayer of the Week and then get to the gym for today's discipline!
-t
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Prayer
To my delight, today has been more prayerful than usual. It started with a nice Contemplative Eucharist with a few other souls and then moved into Mattins by myself. When all was said and done I had passed about two hours in prayer and meditation without hardly noticing the time. It was one of those times in prayer where I was receiving the "Consolation of the Holy Spirit" as one the great masters said--i.e., I was feeling the presence of God and feeling warm and fuzzy as a result. Alas, this is not something to grasp a hold of or rely upon--the Holy Spirit has a mind of Her own and these kinds of prayer experiences come and go like the wind. I suppose the analogy is that when you are walking to the mailbox to send or receive mail sometimes the walk is more pleasant than at other times. But although you may linger in your walk to the mailbox to look at the pretty spring flowers by the side of the driveway or hurry past snowbanks in the winter, the important thing is that you get the mail!
One curious thing I noticed was during the Prayers of the People. I was holding my mind on a general intention for all the people that I love in the world. As I did so, I became aware that the feeling of my skin was changing, it was like a warmth spread through my skin--very pleasant. Funny how the body responds to prayer; most of the time we are too busy to notice such things.
Lately I've been singing most of the Office, and today was no exception, but this time I did it using the Mattins Office from the OHC Breviary rather than the BAS . Of course, the Breviary Psalter is pointed for chanting, so that made things much easier this morning. Yesterday I used Tone 1.1, so today I went with 1.2 for no particular reason. Just a few years ago chanting the Office by myself would have been very difficult, so now it comes with a nice feeling of accomplishment!
After saying my prayers (and then practicing the Exultet until my voice got tired) I had to do a challenging task. It was easier than I expected, and I couldn't help thinking the mornings prayers had something to do with that. Ah, simple spiritual pleasures!
-t
One curious thing I noticed was during the Prayers of the People. I was holding my mind on a general intention for all the people that I love in the world. As I did so, I became aware that the feeling of my skin was changing, it was like a warmth spread through my skin--very pleasant. Funny how the body responds to prayer; most of the time we are too busy to notice such things.
Lately I've been singing most of the Office, and today was no exception, but this time I did it using the Mattins Office from the OHC Breviary rather than the BAS . Of course, the Breviary Psalter is pointed for chanting, so that made things much easier this morning. Yesterday I used Tone 1.1, so today I went with 1.2 for no particular reason. Just a few years ago chanting the Office by myself would have been very difficult, so now it comes with a nice feeling of accomplishment!
After saying my prayers (and then practicing the Exultet until my voice got tired) I had to do a challenging task. It was easier than I expected, and I couldn't help thinking the mornings prayers had something to do with that. Ah, simple spiritual pleasures!
-t
Bishops
It occurs to me today that the Bishops have a difficult ministry and need our prayers. Here's an image of Linda Nicholls announcing the peace just after her ordination.
It's a nice picture by Michael Hudson--he's a good guy, I had him shoot at SMM back when I was there. I'm hoping to get him to shoot an event at COTM at some point.
-t
It's a nice picture by Michael Hudson--he's a good guy, I had him shoot at SMM back when I was there. I'm hoping to get him to shoot an event at COTM at some point.
-t
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Disappointment
Mike Swalm, one of the bloggers I keep tabs on, wrote an entry about disappointment that many in our profession can relate to.
We just entered the lenten season. I love the experience of Lent. Something about living counter-culturally in this way really appeals to me. For the kick-off of lent, I invited a bunch of people over to read Scripture, pray, do the ashes on the forehead thing, and really just be a community. I love the two people that showed up. I really do. But how, as a pastor, do you focus on the two and disregard the twenty that didn't? (source)
It's a hard truth--as a priest or pastor you spend a lot of time and effort trying to create programs or services or experiences or whatever that will be of spiritual value to your flock and then you experience a lot of disappointment as people either don't show up or take it the wrong way or otherwise fall short of your hopes. Been there; done that; got the T-shirt. (BTW, my favorite T-shirt says, "I pray on the helpless," not "I built it and they came.") So what to do in the face of pastoral disappointment?
First off, I think it's a huge mistake to "adjust your expectations." I know so many bitter priests and ministers who won't try anything unless is a sure-thing. They hem and haw about how they don't want to put their time into something that won't fly. Really they just don't want to fail, IMHO.
Second, it is heretical to think that the work of church is about achieving outcomes. That is, it is disrespectful to the Holy Spirit to go about the work of church as though superior planning and execution will "achieve" the outcome we desire. So many of us carry around anxiety about the "success" of our ministry that is based on the misguided notion that institutional preservation is God's will. Maybe it ain't! Call me crazy, but I think we should be about following Jesus and leading others to do the same. It's true that this often coincides with our institutional interests, but motivation is totally different. So "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God..." everything else will flow from that, good and bad.
Third, this is why the spiritual virtue of detachment is essential. If you have a sense of where you end and where the world begins, you will not become overly identified or invested in outcomes which are not yours to cause, anyway. This doesn't mean that you don't apply craft or savvy to the vocation of ministry, it merely means that you should do so without being invested too much in a particular outcome. It's related to the idea of self-differentiation: know where you end and the other begins.
Fourth, love the flail, embrace the suck. When things don't go the way you might desire, recognize the great value of this moment. There's nothing like an epic fail to bring your perceptions into line with reality. Even more valuable, though, is the feelings that arise at such a moment. Disappointment is usually evidence of great love and desire. If you can get to that place, you're doing okay.
So those are a few of my thoughts about failure and disappointment in ministry!
-t
Monday, February 11, 2008
Take This Bread
I just finished reading Sara Miles' Take This Bread. It's a memoir about her adult conversion to Christianity and subsequent effort to found a bunch of food banks in San Francisco. She's a Anne Lamott kind of Christian--nice and feisty. Actually, I wonder whether they know each other--they both live in the Bay Area, are professional word types, and are liberal Christians...
Anyway, Sara's book is a good account of how modern, thoroughly secular people can come to faith through powers outside their control. I have to say that meeting her was really something. Sometimes you can just look in someone's eyes and know that they've got something special in the whole God thing. As if that weren't enough, she has a way of touching people (I mean literally, as in hugging and kissing on the cheek and so forth) that is holy in that earth-mother meets eco-warrior kind of way.
My next book? Dante's Divine Comedy. I haven't read it since College, but something about that epic poetry is calling me right now...
It's my day off. I joined a gym, bought some cable to make a better connection from the wall to my cable box, and now I think I'm going to go to the convent to pray with the Sisters. Yep, it's Lent!
-t
Anyway, Sara's book is a good account of how modern, thoroughly secular people can come to faith through powers outside their control. I have to say that meeting her was really something. Sometimes you can just look in someone's eyes and know that they've got something special in the whole God thing. As if that weren't enough, she has a way of touching people (I mean literally, as in hugging and kissing on the cheek and so forth) that is holy in that earth-mother meets eco-warrior kind of way.
My next book? Dante's Divine Comedy. I haven't read it since College, but something about that epic poetry is calling me right now...
It's my day off. I joined a gym, bought some cable to make a better connection from the wall to my cable box, and now I think I'm going to go to the convent to pray with the Sisters. Yep, it's Lent!
-t
Sunday, February 10, 2008
My Obama Hat...
Way back in July I bought an official Barack Obama hat. When I wore it around Toronto, a number of people had either never heard of Barack Obama or were only vaguely aware of the campaign. I remember more than one Canadian told me that they believed the U.S. wasn't ready to elect a black candidate. And now I see that Obama is continuing to gain ground against Hillary Clinton.
But my hat didn't survive my trip to San Francisco--I think I left it in the nave at Grace Cathedral, and it was gone when I went back for it. Maybe I need to order another...
So why do I support Barack Obama? Well, simply because he represents an overdue shift in American politics. It's a move toward something like optimism--imagine that! Everybody always says they want "new blood" in Washington--and that regard I think Obama is real deal!
The decision to support Obama gets easier for me as Hilary seems to be going more and more to the dark side. She really seems prepared to do just about anything to get elected--even trying to play the race card. But at least it makes for an exciting campaign!
-t
But my hat didn't survive my trip to San Francisco--I think I left it in the nave at Grace Cathedral, and it was gone when I went back for it. Maybe I need to order another...
So why do I support Barack Obama? Well, simply because he represents an overdue shift in American politics. It's a move toward something like optimism--imagine that! Everybody always says they want "new blood" in Washington--and that regard I think Obama is real deal!
The decision to support Obama gets easier for me as Hilary seems to be going more and more to the dark side. She really seems prepared to do just about anything to get elected--even trying to play the race card. But at least it makes for an exciting campaign!
-t
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