Foggy

This is going to be a hard day, I can tell already. Last night I found out just before bed that I would be celebrating the 7.15 A.M. Mass at SMM. I didn't get to sleep until around 3 A.M., however, and my alarm woke me up in grumpy mood. When I stepped outside I was surprised by how wet, foggy, and hot it felt. Sure enough, the rain fall only accelerated by the time we were saying Mass in the church. So in my "intentions for the Mass" (said just after the offertory) I thanked God for the rain and prayed for the farmers who need this kind of thing.

Whether it was the weather, the lack of sleep and an early Mass, or some other reason, I found Mass difficult this morning. Since we celebrate Eucharist everyday here, I get lots of practice. I've probably said Mass here more than 300 times. Yet this morning I had to concentrate not to mess up. In the end the only thing the congregation is likely to have noticed was when I screwed up the Fraction Sentence: "Christ our Sacrifice is Sacrificed for us." Oops. Luckily, the vestry prayer book I created with prayers to say before and after Mass includes a prayer with the line "pardon the imperfections of our worship."

Perfection being impossible with any human endeavor, we reach and reach. And in the reaching is some kind of spiritual grace. Rahner would say that the transcendental reaching is part of the spiritual character of humanity and evidence of God's presence in the universe. What I know is that I celebrate Mass in my little way with my little gestures. I do it in a way that keeps me empty and receptive and mindful than a million other priests are doing the same thing at this or another time. But what I really hope is that one day I'll be changed totally into flame.

Here's a story from the Desert Fathers:

Abba Lot went to see abba Joseph and he said to him, "Abba, as far as I can, I say my little office, I fast a little, I pray and meditate, I live in peace and as far as I can I purify my thoughts. What else can I do?" Then the old man stood up and stretched his hands toward heaven; his fingers became like ten lamps of fire and he said to him, "If you will, you can become all flame."

-t