Order for a Service of Holy Ghost Revival
So many as intend to be participants in the Service of Holy Ghost Revival shall signify their names to the Curate at least some time the day before.
If a Minister be persuaded that any person who presents himself to be a participant in the Service of Holy Ghost Revival ought not to be admitted thereunto by reason of malicious and open contention with his neighbours, or of an outrageous fear of snakes, or of a tendency to "really go over the top" in his enthusiasm, he shall give an account to the Ordinary of the place, and therein obey his order and directions, but so as not to refuse participation of any person until in accordance with such order and direction he shall have called him and advertised him that in any wise he presume not to attend the Holy Ghost Revival.
The day before said service of Holy Ghost Revival, the Deacon shall go into the countryside and collect serpents and vipers of a poisonous nature. Said serpents and vipers are to be kept in a cage in the sacristy until the service of the Holy Ghost Revival. The Acolyte shall prevent young boys from prodding said reptiles with a stick or teasing them with gifts of field mice and small toads.
The drapes of the church shall be of a strength which shall be able to hold the weight of two grown men of great stature. A carpet shall be placed in the aisle of the church to prevent harm from those who are led to roll down the aisle.
The table and all candles shall be moved to A Safe Place, where they shant be knocked over or rendered askew.
The priest shall say:
How many people heah loves the Lord? Can I hear an Amen?!!
People AMEN!!!
Celebrant How many here tonight knows de Holy Ghost gonna come with a FIYAH?!!!
People AMEN BROTHER!!!
Celebrant How many folks heah knows the Holy Ghost wan' dem to JUMP?!!
JUMP!! JUMP!! DO DA HOLYGHOST JUMP!!!
People AAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!
The congregation will now dance, scream, roll down the aisles, swing from the drapes, and speak in unknown tongues, until the grains in the hour glass reach the three-quarters mark
Celebrant Who is ready to show their faith? Who is ready to show their trust in tha LAHD??!!??
PeopleWHOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!
The Deacon shall bring out the snakes
Celebrant Moses lifted a snake in the wilderness and peoples was healed!!The Lord promised us that if we gots faith the snake bite and the scorpion can not harm us!!! Who heah tanite gots dat faith????
PeopleWHOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO!!
Celebrant Deacon, bring out the snakes!!! The Spirit is here!! THE SPIRIT IS HERE!!! WHO HAS FAITH??? IT'S THE BREAKER! IT'S THE
BREAKER ANOINTING!!!! WE GONNA BE RICH!!!! WE GONNA BE RICH!!!!!! Thurifer, keep that thing outta here; it scares the snakes!!! No bells, either. NO BELLS, EITHER!!!! And wipe that spittle off your face!!
The Fragment endeth here (source)
I always knew Anglicanism was missing out on something...
-t
1 comment:
No mystery as to why it didn't get past the 1662 editorial committee. It lacks the punch of the concentrated, tightly-written style of the BCP rubrics & rites.
However, it's worth a rewrite, I think. When GTA Anglicans got into tongue-speaking, etc. in the 1960s (St Elizabeths on the Queensway) services got very straggly and open-ended. Could have used some prayer-book rubric guidance back then. I wonder where all that went?
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