This morning, as I went through my usual before-Sunday-morning routine, I did not feel god about it at all. I was particularly fretting over my sermon, given how disappointing I found last week. I also had other things on my mind that made me feel less than stellar about my ministry. All the way down the hill on my 15 minute walk I second guessed various decisions that I've made over the last seven months. It was not a good day to be Tay.
But then I sat down at my computer (ORAC) in my office and worked on my sermon some more. As is often the case, the breakthrough came when I read someone else's inspiring sermon. So true--you have to hear the Word before you can preach the word. In particular, it was this sermon by the Rev'd Dr James Lemler, Priest-in-Charge at Christ Church, Greenwich, CT, that struck me. It's entitled, "Blah, Blah, Blah... Love." Essentially, it's about how the Trinity is way of saying that at the heart of God is love. Earlier I had read some more academic versions of the same idea (including something by Jürgen Moltmann).
Attendance was low--the rain and the long Victoria Day weekend didn't help--but everyone was there that was supposed to be there, and as soon as the service started I could tell that it would be a graceful, if quiet, morning. I wouldn't say it was solemn, exactly, more like "gentle." Hard to know what takes a service in the direction of one mood or another. Is it the weather? It is it me? Hard to know.
But as soon as I started my sermon I knew that I was in the zone. It was a quiet sermon, but really smooth and nice. I thought it was the strongest sermon I've given for a few weeks--but it's hard to know how other people liked it. Anyway, I'll post it when I get a chance.
What struck me, even during the service, was the way in which you can receive grace from the Sunday morning worship if you allow yourself to be open to the Spirit. For instance, since I had to do anointing and laying on of hands, I had to ask an extra person to be a Minister of Communion who normally doesn't get to do it. Many more than usual came up to receive anointing than usual, and since I didn't have to worry about distributing communion I could take my time and really pray for each of them. After everyone had received the sacraments, I kneeled at the rail myself and asked one of the Ministers of Communion to pray over and anoint me. Many priests do not have the humility to allow someone to pray over them during a service they are supposed to be leading--but why not? How do you expect your people to accept prayers for healing, in public, if you yourself will not submit to receive this grace?
How can this not be what I'm supposed to do at COTM? Preach the Gospel and convey God's Grace... what else is there for a parish priest?
-t
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