On My Mind

Troubling me is an encounter I had this week with a man wanting my assistance. He's poor and functionally illiterate. He wants me to help him get money from the government from a ten-year-old worker's comp claim. Given that he hasn't gotten any money yet, I think this is a long shot, but he's convinced that he is due the money since they sent him a letter ten years ago explaining that they may offer him a settlement. No matter how many times I explain to him that the form letter was simply describing something that they might do, he still insists that they would not have said this if they did not intend to give him money. I'm realizing that there may be some kind of learning disability or cognitive deficit complicating the situation.

Now he wants money from the City to help pay for an apartment he just rented. A City Social Worker told him that they would give him $700 if he found a suitable apartment. He found one that is too expensive to qualify and they won't give him the money, and he's mad because he thinks he is entitled to it no matter what apartment he found. I'm having flashbacks to being a Social Worker myself in Los Angeles. But those days are past. Now I'm not sure what help I can be to him.

"The answer is always in the client," is a mantra I sometimes use. Meaning, if you are at a loss with what to do, center yourself in the experience of the client. I think that this guy is incapable or unwilling to understand reality. I've tried to explain things rationally and that's not working. So I think I just need to be really clear about the boundaries and what I'm willing to do. Sure--I can make some phone calls. But I'm not going to camp out at the Worker's Comp office just to find out that his claim was denied 10 years ago.

I think a lot of priests end up in this situation--wanting to be helpful and having people ask more than we can give. It's helpful in such circumstances to look inward and experience the feelings that arise. Of course I feel guilty. Shouldn't I be totally devoted to advocating for this man and all others who come? Well, the reality is that he is not my only responsibility. I also have a church to run and other people to care for. (Not to mention my own self to keep in balance.)

So it goes. Hard not to get trapped in a cycle of guilt and anger as a minister. Easy to feel guilty for having every advantage in life and for sitting in my office answering e-mail and blogging and thinking about my sermon, etc. Easy to feel angry when someone tells you that your duty as a Christian is to help them. I know so many priests that burned out as they cycled between guilt and anger. I believe the solution has something to do with forgiveness....

-t